


What Is It About The Winchesters?

by horrorgirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, First Time, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hiding in Plain Sight, Loss, M/M, Realizations, Secrets, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-06
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2018-08-29 09:03:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 35,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8483455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/horrorgirl/pseuds/horrorgirl
Summary: Life in the bunker was perfect. Cas and Dean were happy, even though Cas was keeping a secret. Sam was working hard on his research, and finally feeling like he was getting somewhere, even though he was also keeping a secret. Dean had no idea that one night, one traumatic event was going to expose everything and change their entire lives in ways that none of them ever expected.





	

SAM:

Sam was stuck. He didn't know how many times he had shoved the large volume to the side in order to work on something else, but he couldn't put it off forever. He couldn't say that his work was complete, it was nowhere near done, but eventually he needed to open that book and start to study the angels. He understood the basics. The hierarchy, their part in creation, even their part in the apocalypse. But there were stories, myths, and legends in these books that were written in a text so ancient that it was almost impossible to translate. He'd tried on his own, but it only led to frustration. You'd think that living with an angel would be invaluable, but not when that angel was your brother's lover. Not when that angel had been spurned by his family repeatedly, and he'd watched his naturally impatient brother patiently pick up the pieces each time. Dean never asked Cas to disavow, Dean never asked Cas to do anything. Cas had come to the realization that he would never be trusted or accepted upstairs and he had made the decision to stay. It was long in coming and it was complicated. Although angels weren't supposed to feel emotions, Cas did, and Sam didn't want to bring up what may still be a sensitive subject. Not when he saw that Cas made his brother truly happy, something that he'd never thought he'd see. With a deep sigh he slid the book to the edge of the table and opened another. He was a perfectionist when it came to his research, and his studies on celestial beings were so fragmented that it drove him crazy. Sometimes he thought about deleting it completely, but if he were to truly build a definitive database on all things supernatural, he couldn't leave it out. He heard Cas and Dean in the kitchen and smelled a fresh pot of coffee brewing. He had already been up for a couple of hours, but could always use a refill. He picked up his mug and pushed away from the table. He heard his stomach growl and secretly hoped that Dean was in the mood to make breakfast. He'd never admit it, but his brother was actually a decent cook. He smiled when he heard the pots and pans, and made his way to the kitchen, ready for the onslaught of 'nerd' jokes that Dean would inevitably throw his way. 

\-------------------------

Sam filled his mug and listened to his brother purposely hum off key. He knew that the 'off key' part was for his benefit. "I don't know how in the hell you get up so early, man." Dean said, standing over the stove.

"I don't get up early, you get up late."

"It's not that late."

"Dean, it's past 11:00."

Dean turned and looked at the clock on the wall. "Huh, so it is. Well technically speaking it's still morning for almost another hour, and not making it into the kitchen until now does not mean that we just woke up," he grinned.

Sam had heard the shower running, and he could see that both Cas and Dean still had wet hair. He didn't need to know any more. "What's on the menu?"

"That depends, Sammy. How soon did you want to have that triple bypass? You know I'm not going to blend you up some of that green smoothie shit that you like, but I'm more than happy to make sure that all of your food is swimming in grease. Cas? Do you want anything?"

Cas may reside in a human vessel, but because of his angel grace he didn't need to eat or sleep. Over time his vessel had adjusted to eating, and sometimes he seemed to actually enjoy it. He'd fallen in love with coffee, even if Dean did tease him about using cream and sugar. "Sure, why not," Cas smiled, standing up to grab the loaf of bread and pull the toaster out.

"You're going to man the toaster? Have you been watching the Food Network again?" Dean grinned, reaching out to pull Cas to him. Sam was still surprised when he saw the affection between them. Dean had always been outwardly cold, almost to the point of being untouchable. If anyone else in their line of work, the other people who lived the lives that they lived, could see how he was at home, his reputation as a ruthless killer would definitely be in question. Sam watched the gentle kiss and small smack on the ass before Dean turned back to the stove, creating a masterpiece with bacon and eggs. 

Sam was standing at the counter, topping off his coffee when Dean set the plate on the table in front of his empty chair. If somebody had told him a couple of years ago that he would have a roof over his head, home cooked food in his stomach, and an expansive library to work with...he never would have believed them. People in their line of work didn't get those luxuries. He sat down and smiled at the kiss that Dean dropped on the top of Cas's head when he moved past him. That was another thing that he never would have believed, and another luxury that people in their line of work didn't get. Even though he had never been able to say the words, Dean was in love. Sam picked up his fork and the banter started.

"Not that I understand a damn thing that you do in there, but as your brother I feel obligated to ask. What type of nerdy shit are you working on?"

Sam just chuckled, "I'm actually reviewing some sections, adding new information."

"So it's not enough that you study and write the nerdy shit, you do it more than once?"

"It's all part of the process, Dean."

"You are a far more patient man that I am."

"It didn't take me building a database to figure that out. You have the attention span of a 12 year old after a six pack of Mtn. Dew."

Sam watched the balled up napkin land on the table next to his plate and grinned. At the moment, life was good.

\-------------------------

DEAN:

Cas knew that he was awake, Cas always knew when he was awake, but he didn't talk or roll in his arms. He waited for Dean to move or whisper in his ear. He pulled Cas closer and placed a kiss on the back of his neck. The light smell of musk on his skin, the way he wrapped his fingers around Dean's arms, the shifting of his body almost always brought out a need in Dean, and Cas knew it. They'd stopped wearing clothes to bed a long time ago and he knew that Cas could feel him growing hard against his back, he could almost feel the self satisfied smile on Cas's face. He placed another kiss in the same spot before lifting himself up on one elbow to run his full lips across Cas's neck and shoulder. His hand trailed down Cas's chest and hard stomach, the silky skin of Cas's rigid shaft brushing against the back of it. Cas started rocking his hips almost imperceptibly, teasing Dean but letting him know what he wanted. Wordlessly, Dean reached for the bottle of lube on the nightstand and pulled Cas's leg over his body, spreading them as far apart as he could from behind. He heard the satisfied gasp when he slipped the first finger inside, moving it in and out. It was a subtle groan when the second one slid in, searching for the spot that made Cas forget about everything. He always waited until Cas was writhing against his hand before pressing the third finger in, trying to stretch him. He felt the moan move through Cas's body and against his chest when he slipped them out and buried his cock. He could picture the look of pain and pleasure, Cas's eyes rolling back, his jaw loosening into something between a wince and a smile. He kissed and nipped at the side of Cas's neck, wrapping his hand around his cock, slowly starting to thrust. He was stroking gently, matching the rhythm of his hips. Cas's legs would tense and relax with every wave of pain and pleasure that washed over him. He was beginning to throb in Dean's hand as he tightened his grip and stroked faster, thrusting harder. Dean could feel the almost painful need in his lower stomach building with each movement of Cas's hips rocking against him. His mouth became more desperate, biting and sucking, pulling blood to the surface. Cas's entire body tensed against him and he heard his name as a loud moan, feeling Cas come in his hand. It put him over the edge, he couldn't hold back. He reached down and grasped Cas's hip, burying himself deep with one final thrust and came hard inside of him. They laid like that panting until he pulled out and Cas finally rolled over.

"Good morning," Cas smiled, his blue eyes glossy and heavy lidded.

"Hey baby," Dean whispered, leaning in for the first kiss of the day. He pulled Cas to him, not caring that his stomach was a sticky mess, they would get up and shower soon. Right now he just wanted to feel Cas against him and wonder, for what had to be the thousandth time, why Cas chose him. He pressed their lips together, waiting for Cas to part his, their tongues sliding passionately in the deep kiss that normally would have been shared before they made love. "Are you okay?" he asked quietly after slowly pulling away.

"I always am," Cas whispered, pressing their foreheads together. "But I would really love a shower and some coffee."

Dean kissed him again softly before rolling out of his arms to search for their bathrobes. 

\-------------------------

He was still on a high from the way that his morning had started and decided to make breakfast, even if it was closer to lunch time. Sam must have smelled the fresh coffee and heard the pots and pans when he walked into the kitchen with an empty mug. Dean teased Cas, but forced himself to focus on the scrambled eggs and bacon cooking in front of him instead of reaching out. Cas was almost insatiable, and in turn, so was he. He joked with Sam, asking him about his work. He understood what Sam was doing, but often pretended like he didn't. He felt like hearing himself talk about it made Sam realize how important his work was, and Dean didn't mind looking clueless in his brother's eyes. He finally got the greasy food onto plates and sat down. They spent the rest of the morning throwing insults back and forth across the table while they ate. As ugly as their life had been, as ugly as it still was at times, it was mornings like this that made Dean finally see what being home really meant.

\-------------------------

CAS:

Cas didn't need to sleep, but he loved it when Dean did. The soft snore, gentle murmurs, his arms tightening to pull their bodies closer together. It was the only time that Dean looked truly peaceful...almost childlike. Dean's life had been ugly and riddled with nightmares, but all of that seemed to fall away when he reached for Cas in the dark. Dean could be high strung and insecure, he unknowingly demanded a lot of attention, but when he slept, it gave Cas time to reflect. He understood why Dean was the way that he was. The insecurities, the intensity, the fear that he wouldn't admit to...his life had been a perfect storm of abandonment and anger. Even he had been on the receiving end of that. Their story should have been short. Nothing more than a temporary, albeit important, blip in Cas's infinite existence. He was to save Dean Winchester and walk away. All it took was that first touch, those first few words, a glimpse into those green eyes and Cas knew that he was broken. He was a fallen angel still struggling to be a warrior. He didn't know that by saving Dean, they would always share a profound bond. They had fought side by side, and against one another. He had turned his back on his family for Dean, and he had turned his back on Dean for his family. But it was always there, just below the surface. Something that everybody else saw, but neither one of them understood. It wasn't until the night that Dean was finally ready to let go that it became real. Cas didn't know how many times he had replayed that night in his mind, wondered what his life would be if he hadn't turned around:

It was cold enough that they could see their breath as they stood arguing just outside of the ring of light from the streetlamp above them. This is what they did. They fought for each other, they bled for each other, they put their lives on the line for each other, and they argued. They'd both walked away before. Cas always silently, Dean always with a string of expletives usually starting with, "You know what? Fuck this." This night was really no different. Cas had come to tell Dean that he'd been called home.

"You can't be serious? Cas, how many times are you going to let them pull this shit?"

"Dean, you don't understand. They are willing to accept me back into the fold, they are willing to trust me again."

"That's a bunch of bullshit and we both know it. They are never going to trust you, Cas. Now, I've spent years taking the blame for that, and I will do it again. I'm the reason they've turned their backs on you time after time and I hate it. I hate that I've done this to you, but it's never going to change."

"Maybe it will, Dean. Maybe this time..."

"You know what? Fuck this. This is a fight that I can't win and so I'm done trying. It's time to let go. Every time you have left, I always knew that you would come back. I sat and waited for you to come back, but I can't do it anymore."

"I'm sorry, Dean," Cas murmured softly, staring at the ground.

"Don't be sorry, Cas. Just go and I'll leave you alone. You won't ever hear from me again." Cas turned to walk away, his shoulders already slumped. "On one condition." 

"What?" Cas whispered without turning back around. 

"On one condition, Cas. You turn around and tell me goodbye like you mean it. Make me believe it, and I'll leave you alone." Dean's voice softened, "it's simple, just turn around."

Cas turned slowly. Dean was only a few feet away, his face half hidden in the shadows, his arms hanging limply at his sides, his posture defeated. He moved forward and touched the side of Cas's face. "Just tell me goodbye. I need to believe that this is it," They both felt it, Cas couldn't say goodbye and Dean couldn't let him go. Dean leaned in and softly pressed their lips together. Cas slowly parted his and let their tongues slide together, deepening the kiss. He felt Dean's hand cup his face, his other arm slip around his back and pull him close. He gripped Dean's sides and relaxed his body against him. They kissed until they were breathless and Dean pulled him close, resting his chin on Cas's shoulder. "Now are you ready to go home?" he whispered. Cas just nodded slowly. For the first time since Dean had come into his life, he wasn't confused. He knew where he belonged. They pulled apart and Dean reached out to lift his chin, kissing him softly. "Let's go home," Cas said quietly, reaching down to intertwine their cold fingers. 

That wasn't their last argument, but it was the last time that either one of them tried to picture their life without the other.

He crawled into Dean's bed that night wearing borrowed pajamas. Dean held him, Dean kissed him, and the pajamas stayed on. For weeks he crawled into Dean's bed, they kissed and touched for hours, but the pajamas stayed on. It wasn't until he reached for Dean with timid but hungry arms, pulling his shirt over his head, reassuring Dean that he needed to feel him that the pajamas came off, and they hadn't worn them since. Dean would joke that waiting so long had created a monster. He was no longer timid, but almost always hungry. 

\-------------------------

He could always feel when Dean was waking up. The interruption of the soft snore, the slight quickening of his heartbeat, the subtle but restless noises. He shifted his body when he felt the full lips on the back of his neck. Dean hands and mouth were captivating, they always found the places that Cas needed to be touched. He closed his eyes and gave himself over to the trailing fingertips, the gentle bites. As much as he loved looking into those green eyes, he didn't want to roll and turn towards Dean. He wanted it to be almost anonymous but familiar. The pain of Dean's cock stretching him, the raw pleasure when it brushed against the spot that made him feel indescribable things, Dean's hand expertly stroking, all had him building quickly. He tilted his hips back, calling out, feeling Dean's final deep thrust. He laid still, trying to catch his breath until Dean pulled away and he finally turned to see that perfect face, kiss those perfect lips, be held against that perfect body. Waiting to feel the calloused hands touch him gently in the shower.

\-------------------------

Cas started the coffee brewing while Dean looked for pots and pans. He could tell when Sam came into the kitchen just by the sound of Dean's humming. It went from smooth and melodic to loud and off key. Cas hid a smile and tried to find something to keep himself busy while Dean cooked and bantered with his brother. They finally sat down and he couldn't help but laugh out loud when Sam compared Dean's attention span to that of a 12 year old after a six pack of Mtn. Dew. He watched the balled up napkin fly across the table and took a sip of coffee. These were the mornings that proved that he'd made the right decision when he'd turned around that night.

\-------------------------

THE WINCHESTER BROTHERS:

Nobody had a backstory like the Winchester brothers. Nobody fell in love with the angel who reached down and raised their soul from hell. Nobody except for Dean Winchester. Nobody walked away from a full scholarship to Stanford Law School in order to seek vengeance on the demon that killed his true love. Nobody except for Sam Winchester. 

Dean had vague memories of standing outside on a cold Kansas night at four years old, holding his baby brother while their house burned down with their mother inside. He vaguely remembered watching multiple firefighters and police officers drag his father out of the house, calmly telling him that there was nothing more that they could do and he needed to get back to his children. He couldn't remember exactly when he realized that a demon had killed their mother, that the reason they never again had a real home was because their father was consumed by his need to find it, that they had to keep their lives a secret because people wouldn't understand. Sam and Dean grew up knowing that monsters were real, but Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny weren't. Their childhood was spent in cheap motel rooms, waiting for their father to return from a hunt, from killing a vampire or werewolf. Eventually, it was Sam who waited alone for their father and Dean to return. Then the day came that Sam went with them. Dean begged their father not to take Sam, he begged their father not to let Sam get a kill under his belt. Even if they were saving people by hunting things, Dean still couldn't watch his baby brother become a part of it. It was one thing to hear the stories, to see the blood, to clean up wounds and fix dislocated shoulders. Pulling the trigger, plunging the blade, or swinging the machete was a whole different world and Sam's first kill made Dean physically ill. 

They traveled the country, staying in the cheap motels and short stay apartments. They lived off of greasy diner food, or something that came out of a can when their father remembered to buy groceries. They called him 'sir' and were trained to be his soldiers. They killed the monsters that lived under your bed, in your closet, and out in the woods, always searching for that yellow eyed demon that John Winchester claimed had murdered his wife. Everything about the way that they lived was a lie. Phony Id's, fake credit cards, scripted explanations to teachers or police officers. Dean was strong, angry, and obedient. Sam was equally strong, but disillusioned and wanted more for himself. At 18, with a full scholarship to Stanford, he walked away from his father and Dean and didn't look back. Not until four years later when his love, Jessica, was killed in the very same way that their mother had been. Sam realized that he could walk away from the life, but it would always come find him. 

Not longer after, John was killed in a car accident. The brothers continued to hunt for the demon, until Sam too was killed. Fueled by an emotionally charged emptiness, Dean called out and traded his soul for Sam's life. He was given one year. Sam would live, but in one year the hell hounds would come to collect the debt, and they did. Inexplicably he showed up on their Uncle Bobby's doorstep four months later, unchanged other than bearing a scar in the shape of a hand on his shoulder. 

Cas could still line his hand up against the faint scar that remained.

Their lives became a string of lies, fights, and double crosses in cataclysmic proportions. They fought angels, they fought demons, they fought creatures that they'd never known existed. They lost friends, they lost their beloved uncle, they reached their lowest lows. Yet, through a strange set of circumstances they discovered that their grandfather, Henry Winchester, had been a member of a now defunct secret society that studied the supernatural. The Men of Letters. Sam and Dean Winchester, lowly dirtbag hunters with the blood of every creature imaginable on their hands, were considered 'legacies' and given the key to a hidden bunker. It was their first real home. They had privacy and comfort. Sam was able to pirate wifi and satellite. Dean insisted that they bring comfortable furniture into one of the rooms so that they had a den. They could cook, eat, sleep, watch TV, take hot showers...all things that had never been guaranteed. 

The Men of Letters had collected thousands of books, hundreds of reels of tape, recordings, and artifacts all pertaining to the same monsters that the Winchesters had spent a lifetime hunting. Sam was finally able to do what he loved, and what he did best. Sam researched, he studied, and he started building his database.

\-------------------------

THE STORY

Sam didn't know why it bothered him so much. Maybe it was because although Cas was an angel, he refused to live like one. He remembered the arguments in the beginning. Cas offered to remove his grace, to become a human partner for Dean. Dean begged him not to, he didn't want Cas to change. Over time the arguments stopped, as did Cas's use of his angelic abilities. The only things that he couldn't control was that his human vessel didn't sleep, and he would always just know how Dean was feeling, what Dean needed. As much as that may have unnerved Dean, it helped to avoid a lot of conflict. Dean wasn't a talker, and he wasn't always rational. Cas almost always knew how to calm him. Life had become easier, quieter, when Cas became a regular fixture in the bunker. Cas was thoughtful and kind, always asking Sam what he was working on with true interest. Sam had been tempted many times to open the book that was written in Enochian, but he didn't want to do anything that might tip the balance. He wanted life inside of the bunker to stay the same. He'd been to every college within a 50 mile radius looking for help, but nobody had been able to crack the Enochian code, not even those who claimed to be experts. He needed to break old habits and find a new way of looking at it. That's how he found himself inside of a church.

\-------------------------

"Hey, Dean?"

Dean didn't even look up from the TV when he grunted his acknowledgement.

"Do you mind if I take the car for a little while? I'm stuck on a text, but I think I may have a lead."

"Go ahead. Your nerdy shit is for the greater good of hunters everywhere. I'd be an asshole if I said no."

"You're kind of an asshole anyway," Sam smiled.

"I can live with that. The keys are in our room."

"Um, any chance you might want to grab them for me?"

Dean finally turned his head from where it was settled in Cas's lap and grinned at his brother, "Afraid of what you may find?"

"Pretty much."

Cas laughed and stood up, causing Dean to whine when his head hit the cushion on the sofa. Cas spoiled Dean and they all knew it. "I'll grab them and save you the trauma," he smiled at Sam.

With keys finally in hand, Sam wandered up the stairs with the heavy book and his laptop. He wasn't sure if this was a good idea, but he didn't really see any other option.

\-------------------------

Sam just sat in the car looking at the gothic facade. He may live with an angel, but he'd fought against them, worked with demons, worked with the king of hell. He wasn't sure that he felt right about this The only time the Winchesters stepped foot in a church is if they were working a case. He took a deep breath and got out of the car, not letting himself overthink when he walked up the stone steps, holding the book so tightly against his chest that his knuckles were turning white. He was even more overwhelmed when he stood in the doorway. The strong smell of incense and gentle murmur of believers praying made him feel wrong for being there on a fact finding mission and not a religious experience. He didn't get the chance to turn and leave before he was approached by a priest.

"May I help you?"

"Um," he stuttered. "I was actually hoping that somebody might look at this book for me. I know that it sounds ridiculous, but it's written in Enochian and nobody seems to be able to crack the code other than my brother's...well that doesn't matter. Anyway, I guess I'm looking for a scholar? Somebody who might know something about it?"

"Ah, the ancient language of the angels. The only person we have here that might be able to help you is Father Peters. I believe he's just finishing listening to confession. If you'd like to take a seat, I would be happy to talk to him."

"Uh, thanks," Sam muttered, uncomfortably sitting down in a pew. Fitting his 6'4" frame in such a small space isn't what made him uncomfortable, it was trying to blend in with those who didn't know the reality of both angels and demons. He felt like everybody somehow inherently knew who he was and why he was there before he dropped his head and attempted the most generic prayer that he could manage. He was interrupted by an older priest who reached out a hand and introduced himself as Father Peters. Sam followed him to his office, the young priest on his heels, and sat down across from him at the desk. Without a word he slid the thick volume towards the priest and waited.

"Well, I do believe that this is Enochian. I have never seen anything like it."

"Do you have any understanding of it? I mean could you in any way help me crack the code?" Sam stammered. He was growing increasingly ill at ease.

"I wish I could help you, son. It is a beautiful book and I have to ask myself how it was obtained, but I cannot translate it. I don't know a person alive who is able to read Enochian. I apologize, but if you do get a translation I would love to go over it with you."

Sam stood and thanked him for his time. He was frustrated, but finally felt like he could breathe when he got to the parking lot. He was at his wits end and didn't feel like going home yet, so the nearest coffee shop seemed the most logical place to go. At least there he could connect with their wifi and go over some of his earlier entries.

\-------------------------

With the book shoved to the side of the table, Sam opened his laptop and started scrolling through his database. He didn't hear or feel the presence. He didn't know that anybody was there until he heard the voice.

\-------------------------

"Can I buy you a refill, big guy?"

Sam paused before he looked up. There was absolutely no way he'd just heard that. He finally lifted his head and saw the golden eyes and cocky grin, "Gabriel? But aren't you uh...I mean...you're dead."

"Seriously? Why doesn't anybody tell me this shit?" Gabriel looked down, touching his arms and smoothing his shirt before looking back at Sam with a grin. "We've known each other for a long time, Sam. Granted, we didn't meet under the best of circumstances. You know, the whole Trickster thing."

"Yeah, the whole Trickster thing. I'm still a little pissed off about that one."

"I was just having a little fun."

"You killed my brother, repeatedly!"

"C'mon Sam," Gabriel scoffed. "I brought him back. He's fine, probably at home right now banging my little brother. No harm no foul."

"Okay, did you really have to say 'banging my little brother'?"

"Yes, but that's not the point. So, it's this whole death thing that's confusing you?"

"Uh, yeah. Lucifer ganked you with his blade."

"Ah, that's right. He is such an asshole sometimes. But, you should know that I'm completely unbalanced, some may say a little off my rocker."

"How about a sociopath?"

"Now Sam, is this what we've become? Name calling and insults? I thought that we were better than that."

"We are nothing. But I'd still like to know how you are sitting in front of me when I happen to know how many archangels are left, and you aren't on that list."

Gabriel motioned to the barista for two more coffees, "You, if anyone, should know not to underestimate a Trickster."

"You faked your own death? But how..."

"I know! Great performance, right? Who knew that all of those years playing the Trickster as a side job would pay off? Serious acting chops if you ask me."

"Wait, I need a minute to wrap my head around this. It wasn't exactly a happy time, things were pretty fucked up, and it was Lucifer who killed you. Lucifer."

"Don't tell me that the Winchesters bought into that whole 'Luci holds the ultimate power' bullshit. Luci is no different than the rest of us, other than he made some seriously bad decisions that pissed dad off. But you're right," Gabriel continued, blowing on the hot coffee that had been set in front of him. "Man I love these things. You humans have it a lot better than I expected. Anyway, Luci did what he thought he had to do. So did I. I do feel bad about all of that. What happened to Balty never should have happened, tragic really. The way that Balthazar could get the ladies? Damn! I'm sorry, but even on his worst days he was better than Dean Winchester. I'm guessing Dean isn't down with that anymore."

"Are you talking about Cas?"

"I always liked that kid. I was glad to see him finally get out of the family business. I never really trusted that brother of yours, but hey, if Castiel is happy who am I to judge."

"Isn't that what you do? Judge?"

"Not me, not really. That's why I was never one of the faves. I'm your bottom of the barrel type archangel."

"Which brings me to a question. How in the hell have you stayed hidden? I mean, where in the hell have you been? How haven't they found you?"

"That was actually three questions, but I can see that you are confused so I'll let it slide. I spent years as the Trickster. I got used to humans. It's not that hard to blend in."

"And angel radio?" Sam asked, referring to the collective conscious that all angels shared.

"Meh, I shut that shit off a long time ago. I'll admit I do tune in on occasion just to hear the gossip, but they don't know it."

"How?"

"I'm the Trickster and I'm an archangel, I can do whatever in the fuck I want. They'll never find me."

"Which brings me to my next question, why in the hell are you here?"

"Okay, so angel radio isn't always my thing, but for some reason I can pick up on other shit sometimes. Most of it has to do with you and your brother."

"So you're listening in on us? Well that's not creepy."

"No, not listening in as much as unconsciously keeping track. I can sense that Dean makes Castiel happy, which is why I've never stepped in."

"Cas thinks that you're dead."

"Everybody does, well except you now."

"Again, why in the hell are you here?"

"I was feeling nostalgic, wandering around the church just watching and listening to all of the things they get wrong. I know that they mean well, but they really paint us in a whole different light. It's kind of flattering actually. Anyway, I was surprised as hell when I saw you there so I got a little nosy. Now it's my turn for a question. If you want that book of Enochian translated, why haven't you just asked that little brother of mine?"

Sam sighed and leaned back in the booth. "Cas is trying to live his life as a human. And before you go blaming that on Dean, it's Cas's choice. He offered to give up his grace, but Dean doesn't want him to. He didn't want Cas to change. I think that sometimes Cas still has a hard time with the way your family has turned your back on him."

"Don't look at me, I never turned my back on the kid. But he's on to something, I get it. They can be total dicks."

"Yeah, well it hit Cas pretty hard the last time and I'm just trying not to drudge up old memories that should be left buried. If I throw a book of Enochian to him, I don't know how he's going to react. He's happy, Dean is happy, and I don't want to change the status quo."

"Honorable, Sam, very honorable."

"So are you kind of an asshole to everyone, or is it just because it's me?" 

"Don't flatter yourself, I'm this way with everyone. But, let's get to the meat of this discussion. You need translation, and you don't want to run the risk of popping the happiness bubble around the Winchester home. So, now you know of two angels who could translate that thing for you."

"You would be willing to help me translate this? Why?"

"Well, first of all, I am extremely bored. And second of all, I do have a heart. I still feel a small twinge of guilt about the Trickster shit, so I figured I'd help you out."

"I can't exactly bring you to the bunker. That would just freak Cas out. Talk about popping the happiness bubble. And I have no idea how Dean would react, I'm going to go with not very well."

"Is he still holding a grudge?"

"I doubt it, but he's protective of Cas, overprotective. He wouldn't be real happy about anything that will remind him of the shit that they've been through just showing up at our front door. Especially you."

"I tried to help you at the end, Sam."

"I know that you did, and we appreciate it. That doesn't change the fact that Cas was forced to give it all up to be with Dean."

"He made the right choice. That brother of yours? I can see how he'd change a guy. The hair, the eyes, the body, the oozing sex appeal..."

"Seriously? Is the guy like an angel magnet or some shit?"

"We appreciate beauty, and Dean...well I think we can all agree on how well that genetic make up worked out."

"Um, other Winchester is sitting right here."

"Oh, don't take it personally, Sam. You, you've got the stuff too. Dean is just kind of..."

"Yeah, I know. I've heard it my whole life. Anyway, you are seriously willing to help me translate?"

"Sure, why not. Heaven has gone to shit, and I'm not exactly feeling loyal these days anyway. I'm guessing that you aren't doing it to formulate some type of sneak attack considering that everything is pretty peaceful right now, and I've always liked you, Sam. Maybe it's the whole smart but tough guy thing, maybe it's the dimples. Hell, I don't know but hand me the book and let's get started."

Sam slid the book across the table and Gabriel opened it, "Seriously? This book? Please tell me you have others. This shit pretty much sucks, not a great representation of my kind."

"Oh, I have others. That one is just the largest."

"And they say that size doesn't matter."

\-------------------------

Sam was still typing furiously, trying to keep up with Gabriel's interpretation that was peppered with sarcasm and jokes, when he felt his phone go off. He pulled it out of his pocket and looked. A text from Dean asking him if he'd grab dinner while he was out. Sam didn't realize that he'd been at the coffee shop for hours. "Hey, listen Gabriel."

"If you can change 'Castiel' to Cas, go ahead and call me Gabe. It's a little less angelic."

"Okay, Gabe, I just got a text asking me about dinner, and I left this morning."

"Time flies when you're having fun."

"Yeah, well I've got to go, but thanks for all of your help. I really appreciate it."

"We barely got through two chapters, Sam. My offer of help doesn't end here." He pulled Sam's phone out of his hand. "There, now you've got my number. When you need help, call me. I don't get out much, it'll give me something to do."

"Thanks," Sam said, standing up and gathering his things.

"And Sam, watch out for that little brother of mine."

Sam smiled and walked away. He set his things on the passenger seat and sighed deeply. He had never expected anything like this to happen. He checked his contacts list and had to change 'The Sexy Angel' to 'G'. He knew that Cas could never find out. It's a good thing that for the most part they just feigned interest in his work. He turned the key in the ignition and pulled away, headed towards Dean's favorite burger joint. Maybe bringing home the greasy food might assuage some of the guilt that he was feeling.

\-------------------------

"Bacon double cheeseburgers and onion rings? Let me guess, you got yourself some green leafy salad thing?"

"Nope," Sam chuckled, flopping down onto the other couch with a burger in his hand. "I don't always have to eat healthy."

"You don't ever have to eat healthy, Sam. Burgers, bacon, anything deep fried, it's the American way."

"Yeah, well the downside is you got Cas addicted so you'd better move quick on the onion rings or he's going to eat them all."

Cas turned his head and gave them the most innocent face he could muster, but he couldn't hold it for long. "It's your fault, you brought it on yourself," he smiled at Dean, popping an onion ring into his mouth. 

Dean leaned towards him and kissed him softly, "You can have the last one, but you owe me later," he whispered.

"Tough decision," Cas said quietly. That garnered an insincere glare from Dean and they kept eating.

Sometimes Sam felt a small twinge of jealousy when he watched Cas and Dean. He knew that if anybody was deserving of happiness, it was his brother. He'd had his own happiness, he'd had Jess, but it had been years since she'd died and he'd accepted that the Winchesters only loved once. As much as he resented their father, after losing Jess he understood the need for vengeance. He couldn't imagine what Dean would do if anything happened to Cas. He had his books and his database, and he loved every frustrating minute of research, but it didn't change the fact that once in awhile his bed felt cold. His thoughts were interrupted by his brother's voice...

"You up for a movie, Sammy?"

"Uh, sure. What movie?"

Dean was surprised, "You are seriously willing to pull yourself away from that nerdy shit long enough to watch a movie with us? Damn, in that case I'll let you choose."

"On one condition. You two start making out like teenagers on that couch over there and I am out of here."

"You have my word," Cas smiled.

"Good, because I trust your word a hell of a lot more than I trust his."

Dean tried another insincere glare as he handed his brother the remote and laid down on the couch, Cas settled between his legs resting his head on Dean's chest. He wrapped his arms around Cas and felt him reach up to hold them closer. He smiled and planted a kiss on the top of Cas's head while they waited for Sam to scroll through the channels, trying to find something to watch.

\-------------------------

"Mmmmm, so this is what I get for not eating the last onion ring," Cas moaned.

"No, this is what you get for being sexy and putting up with my shit," Dean responded, moving his mouth down Cas's body. Cas relaxed and completely surrendered the feeling of the full lips and gentle teeth as they worked their way across his chest and along his stomach. He felt the moan building when Dean wrapped his fingers around the base of his cock and started to softly stroke, nipping and kissing his hips and the sensitive skin of his inner thighs. He could feel the hot breath before Dean slowly slid his tongue across his head, taking it into his mouth and gently sucking. Cas reached down and twisted his fingers into Dean's dark hair, encouraging him. The smooth glide of his tongue elicited a gasp before he gently licked the silky skin of his shaft. He took as much of Cas into his mouth as he could and slowly slid his head up and down, swirling his tongue and sucking. Cas groaned and rocked his hips gently, feeling himself starting to build. "Dean," he whispered. "I'm going to..." Dean let out a low moan around his cock and slid his head forward, taking Cas down his throat, swallowing the thick fluid. He continued to gently lick and suck, looking up to watch Cas's chest heave. When he knew that Cas was too sensitive and couldn't take anymore he climbed up the bed and pulled Cas's trembling body into his arms. He grinned and leaned forward to kiss him softly. Cas just murmured and pressed their bodies closer. To the outside world, Dean Winchester was selfish and arrogant, but in the bed that they shared, he always put Cas first. 

\-------------------------

"So, that book that you've been working on must be coming together," Dean casually mentioned over dinner one night.

"Uh yeah, I was finally able to find the right person to help me figure out the translation," Sam tried to keep the stutter out of his voice. He and Gabe had been meeting at the coffee shop two or three times a week for a few weeks now. It was a long, and in all honesty, almost unbearably boring text. He was just glad that they were almost done. 

"What is it you are working on?" Cas asked.

"Uh, just some ancient Asian legends. A lot of them were written in a quasi poetic format, a lot of metaphors and things like that. It's tedious."

"I thought Bobby had you all up to snuff on the Asian shit."

"This is all new to me, it nothing that Bobby and I had ever come across before," Sam was starting to sweat. He didn't know why he felt so guilty. Maybe because he was outwardly lying to Cas and Dean, maybe because Gabe was helping him and he was the only one who knew that Gabe was alive. Sam didn't want to bring up Cas's past, and Gabe didn't want anybody knowing that he'd survived, so they'd agreed to keep the entire thing secret. Sam had been waiting for the day when Dean would start asking questions.

"I'll have to check it out sometime. Hey, could you reach behind you and grab me a beer?" Sam was sitting right next to the refrigerator so he grabbed a cold bottle and handed it to his brother across the table. He was racking his brain, trying to think of what Asian texts he already had done that he could show them.

After dinner, Cas and Dean decided to go into town to see a movie and Sam politely declined their invitation. When the heavy door shut behind his brother, he poured himself a stiff drink and called the number that had become familiar.

\-------------------------

"Hey big guy! Kinda late for a little translation action, but I'm down."

"Um, that's not exactly why I called. Cas and Dean were asking questions and it freaked me out a little."

"Why? You aren't doing anything wrong, Sam."

"They think that you're dead. I'm lying to them. They are convinced that I found some scholar at a University to help me, not an angel in the witness protection program who pops up in coffee shops."

"Dude, it's called guilt. No reason to sweat it. So what, do you not want my help anymore?"

"I need your help, I have to finish this. I just can't have them knowing."

"Okay, you've gone from guilt to paranoia in a single sentence. So we'll find a new way to do it. We can meet up late, or early. If your brother is still banging..."

"Can we not bring that up again?"

"Oh right, the whole not wanting to think about it thing. I don't know what to tell you, Sam. I don't sleep and I can teleport. I'm kinda between girlfriends right now so I have a lot of free time."

"You have girlfriends?"

"Uh, did you hear what I said? Not at the moment. I can swing by your place."

"I work at a table that you can see from damn near every room."

"Laptop, my friend, laptop. If you can take it to a coffee shop, chances are you can take it to another room. Do I have to hold your hand and walk you through this? After the kids go to bed, take your laptop into your room and I'll meet you there."

"I don't know..."

"Oh come one, we'll leave the door open so that everyone knows there is no hanky panky going on. If you can come up with a better plan, let me know. Otherwise just give me a time."

"Okay, fine," Sam said quietly. "Tomorrow night around eleven."

"They go to bed that early?"

"I go to bed that early. I'm guessing you don't need directions?"

"I'm an archangel who teleports. I don't need a map. I'll see you tomorrow."

Sam hung up his phone and finished his drink before pouring another. 

\-------------------------

He was glad that he rigged up the wifi to work in most of the bedrooms when put his books on the bed and sat down. Cas and Dean were still up, but they were watching TV and barely noticed when he told them goodnight. He opened his laptop and started going through some files while he waited. Five minutes passed, then ten, then twenty. Gabe finally showed up at 11:30.

"Sorry I'm late, I couldn't figure out which outfit was more flattering for my figure." He leaned across the bed, brushing Sam's arm as he reached for the book and sat down on the floor with his back against the wall. "Okay, let's see, boring, boring, boring, boring, looks like we already covered all of that shit."

"I marked the page where we stopped," Sam said, both nervous and annoyed.

"Okay, so I'm late and we're sneaking around. If you ask me, that just adds excitement to the deal."

"Can we just get started, please?"

"You're a little more uptight than I remember, but okay."

After a couple of hours of translating, Gabe stopped in the middle of a sentence, "Is that the shower?"

"Uh yeah. They do that."

"At almost two o'clock in the morning?"

"Pretty much any time of day."

"So that's how you know when they're..."

"Yeah, generally."

"Well you know what they say, cleanliness is next to godliness. I wonder how that works in the shower with an angel?"

"Are you determined to drive me crazy? Enough about my brother and Cas's sex life."

"Whoa, no reason to get worked up. Or is that the problem? Old Sammy here hasn't gotten worked up in awhile? That would explain the uptight thing."

"Okay, we are not going there. Can we just work on the book?"

"Of course. I just think it's a damn shame. I mean you're smart, you're a good looking guy, we've already discussed the dimples, and at 6'4" you'd have to wonder if size carries over..."

"We started out translating Enochian and now we're talking about the size of my dick?"

Sam groaned when Gabe closed the book and set it on the floor next to him. "You know, I can never figure out if you are jealous of your brother."

"That was random, but I'll play along. Why in the hell would I be jealous of Dean? Look at us, we're nothing alike."

"True, true. I mean he does have that whole 'walking sex' thing going on, he's ranked at the top of the hunters list, he isn't the most likable guy in the world but he does have charisma. He's violent and pissed off."

"Yeah well, stick around sometime and watch the 'at home' version. He cooks, sits around and watches TV, tells horrible jokes, and gives in to Cas."

"Gives in to Cas? But humans usually have that whole dominant/submissive thing going on."

"Not them, at least not as far as I can tell. I mean, yes, Cas babies him. But if Cas wants something, Dean does what he can to make it happen. They're just, I don't know, they're equals. They need each other. Nobody has the patience to put up with Dean's shit and I don't know if anyone has the patience to put up with Cas's insecurities. They make it work."

"So you think they're in love?"

"Oh yeah. I never expected to see my brother act the way that he does, do the things that he does. But he probably didn't either. Other than the making out on the couch while I'm trying to watch TV, their relationship has made my life a whole hell of a lot easier."

"Making out on the couch? Now that's some funny shit. I almost want to go into invisibility mode sometime just to check that out."

"That is seriously perverted."

"I didn't say that I wanted to go in the bedroom and have a sneak peek, that would be perverted. I mean, I've fought with both of them on the battlefield. I know how ruthless each of them can be."

"Then you've also seen the way that they've always protected one another. Somehow when they're away from the hunt it translates into something sickeningly sweet. And speaking of translating..."

"You know what? You look tired, Sam. How about we pick this back up another night. Maybe in a couple of days?"

"Uh, sure," Sam was a little frustrated, he wanted to get this done, but in all reality it was on Gabe's terms.

"Okay so couple of days, same time, same place."

Sam heard the snap and Gabe disappeared.

Sam closed his laptop and snuck down the hall to put it, and his books, back on the table. He didn't usually take them to his room and he didn't want to have to answer any questions. He knew that he was being paranoid, but things were running smoothly and he didn't want to ruin it. He fell asleep remembering some of the good times with Jess. Times when she would baby him and he would give in to her. The days that they couldn't keep their hands off of each other. The nights when they just held each other and talked. He hadn't thought about those things in a long time, and it turned into one of those nights when his bed felt cold.

\-------------------------

Cas rolled over and opened his eyes. His head felt cloudy and his body felt heavy. It took him a minute to realize that it was a pillow under his head and not Dean's chest. He usually closed his eyes at night. In the dark the sound of Dean's soft snoring, his heart beating rhythmically, was relaxing. That was when Cas had always had time to himself to think, to try and understand things that were still confusing to him. But, he had never felt more confused than he did at this moment. He took in a large breath, his mouth involuntarily opening. It wasn't until he exhaled that he was able to close his mouth with a gentle sigh. He had watched Sam and Dean do that same thing thousands of times. Cas had just yawned. Cas felt this way because he had just woken up. He rolled towards Dean, trying not to wake him when he laid his head back onto his chest. His eyelids felt heavy and he yawned again. He wasn't just confused, he was afraid. He hoped that Dean wouldn't feel his body shaking as he willed his eyes to stay open. Something was seriously wrong.

\-------------------------

"Oh man, I am glad that is done and over with," Gabe said, closing the book for the final time and setting it on the floor. "You said that you have others, right?"

"Uh, yeah but I can't guarantee that they won't be just as painful. You really don't have to help me with the others. You've already done me a huge favor."

"That's what friends are for, right?" Gabe smiled. "I need to get up and walk around. You can do some amazing things with these vessels, but the whole tingly painful feet and sore legs part kind of sucks."

Sam never really thought about Gabe's human vessel. In his mind, Gabe was an angel and didn't deal with human issues. "I'd say that we can walk around outside and get some air, but we'd have to sneak down the hall and be really quiet when..."

Gabe snapped his fingers and they were in the woods outside the bunker. "Seriously, Sam? I'm an angel."

"I guess I'm used to Cas. I can't remember the last time he did any of this. I mean, he's human."

"Not if he has his grace he isn't, but if he's living the life, then close enough," Gabe started to walk and Sam hurried to catch up with him. "Now, I know that mostly you've just listened to me ramble off those horrible stories, and I mean horrible, but a few times I've actually gotten you to talk to me. You aren't much of a talker, are you?"

"I can be. Dean tells me to shut up all of the time."

"I get the feeling that Dean tells a lot of people to shut up all of the time."

"Okay true, but you have always had the wrong idea about my brother. You know the stories, you know that he traded his soul for my life. I mean that right there proves how loyal he is. Sure, he has his reputation for being ruthless and cold, which he is, but there is a lot more to him."

"But you never compare yourself?"

"No. Like I said, we are two entirely different people. I know that it's assumed that I live in his shadow, and maybe I do in some ways, but maybe it's also by choice. I've never really cared about being the best, I just wanted to get the job done. I stopped caring about what our father thought while Dean stayed loyal, too loyal. Sure, we live the same lives, we're both hunters, but we come at it from different angles."

"And that's what makes you two the best."

"I guess so. We're slowly pulling away from the game though. I want it, Cas wants it, and I think that deep down Dean wants it too. Hunting has always defined him and he just needs time to figure out how to be something else."

"Like what?"

"Just Dean Winchester. Cas's lover, my brother, a regular guy who likes westerns, beer, and bacon cheeseburgers."

"Do you ever think that maybe he's jealous of you? I mean you are smarter."

"Okay, this is where I will go down defending my brother. Yes, I'm book smart. I spent four years at Stanford. But, that doesn't mean shit. Dean knows things that I will never know. The way that he thinks is something that I will probably never understand. Dean is just as smart as I am, but nobody sees it. Except for me and Cas."

"But don't you think that Castiel sees what he wants to see?"

"Cas isn't blind to Dean's faults. He knows how broken my brother is, how angry he is, he sees all of the shit that Dean carries around with him. But he accepts it, all of it. He has never asked Dean to change, which is probably why Dean asked him not to give up his grace. They are both damaged goods, and it took awhile, but they've found a way to make it work. My brother was a heterosexual ladies man, the guy has probably slept with well over 100 women, but he didn't find 'the one' until he met an angel in a male vessel. He's been blind to everyone else since, and he doesn't hide it. The testosterone driven alpha male will kiss his boyfriend in public without hesitation. That was hard to get used to."

"I can imagine. I never did go invisible to watch a make out session on the couch. I don't know if I could stomach it."

"Why?"

"Because the Dean Winchester that I know is a stone cold killer. I've seen his instinct and I've seen him run a blade through a whole lot of creatures. I know that look in his eye and I can't imagine him actually showing love towards Castiel. None of us could."

"Is that why you all turned your back on him? You do realize that's what pushed him into Dean's arms? Every time he thought that he was accepted back into your fucked up fold, it would fall apart and he would show up broken. And every time, Dean would help pick up the pieces knowing that Cas would eventually leave again. Doesn't exactly sound like the actions of a stone cold killer."

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"You're okay with being alone?"

"I can't decide if I should be uncomfortable unloading all of this shit on you, or relieved that I have somebody to talk to about it."

"Go ahead and unload."

Sam took a deep breath. He was learning to trust Gabe, and for some reason it bothered him. "I've accepted it. I mean, I had it once and she was perfect. Smart, beautiful, sweet, and way out of my league. Of course I never told her that. But she loved me, she believed in me, she made me want to make something of myself, to be the type of man that she really deserved. The years I had with Jess weren't enough, but I had them," he finished quietly.

"I'm sorry, Sam. That couldn't have been easy."

"That's right, you already know the story. You probably know all of them. Strange mixture of comforting and creepy. But yeah, I've accepted it. Winchester men love once, and I already have. Our father lost his 'one' too soon. I just hope that Dean gets time, you know?"

"Castiel is infinite. He will be there until the day that Dean dies."

"And that's what Dean deserves."

"But you don't?"

"Besides the fact that I've already had it, how in the hell am I supposed to find it again? It's not like there is a dating site for hunters who live secret lives and carry serious emotional baggage. And before you say it, yes there are female hunters or females who know about the life, but that's not a good idea either. I would almost feel like we were both bringing something dark to the relationship, but somebody needs to bring the light. It can't always be about blood and death and fear. There needs to be more. For the most part, hunters die alone, and I know that. It's not like I've been living like a monk. I can get laid."

"Well, at least you have that," Gabe chuckled. 

"Well, I'm freezing my ass off and I'm tired. If you're willing to work on those other books, give me a call."

"Sounds good."

Sam heard the snap and Gabe disappeared. That's when he realized he should have waited until they were back inside. Now he had to open the door quietly and sneak down the stairs.

\-------------------------

"You okay, baby?"

Cas tilted his head from where it was resting on Dean's stomach. "I'm fine," he said, seeing the concern in Dean's eyes. "Why do you ask?"

"I don't know, you just seem quiet lately."

They were still in bed, but dressed, and barely paying attention to a movie. Cas pulled himself up from where he'd been laying across the bed and crawled over to Dean, straddling him and pinning him to the mattress with a deep kiss. Truth was, he was tired. He was always tired and he was doing everything he could to keep it from Dean. He knew that something was wrong, but he needed to figure it out before he said anything. Dean rolled him on his back and held his arms above his head, dropping feathery kisses on his face and neck. He closed his eyes and smiled, waiting to feel the full lips press against his. It didn't matter how tired he was, being with Dean always made him feel things that he still didn't fully understand. He finally got his kiss and could tell that Dean was in a playful mood. They wouldn't be getting out of bed for hours.

\-------------------------

Cas started pouring the leftover coffee in a cup and hiding it in the back of the refrigerator so that he could drink it before bed. He would wait until Dean wanted to go to the auto parts store or needed to work on his car and he'd go in their bedroom under the guise of watching a movie or reading a book when really he was napping. He knew Dean's habits, he knew how much time he had, and it was easy enough to set the alarm on his phone so that he would wake up before anybody noticed. He held back yawns at the dinner table, while watching TV, and especially in the shower under the warm water. He would nod off at night, but Dean's movements always woke him and Dean was so slow to wake up himself, Cas had time to rub his eyes and look alert. He knew that if Dean found out, he would get upset and worried. That worry always turned into helplessness which turned into anger. Dean wouldn't be angry with him, he would just be angry. They had come so far, things had been so good, and Cas didn't want to ruin that. 

\-------------------------

Sam wished that he'd never had that conversation with Gabe in the woods. Now every time he heard the shower, or the happy voices in the kitchen, he felt something missing. Maybe that feeling had always been there and he'd just kept it locked away, but now it was back and some days he felt very alone. 

\-------------------------

Cas and Dean had gone to bed and he was still sitting at the table. He'd been staring at his computer screen for the last two hours, not even knowing what he was looking at. He was completely lost in his head. He grabbed the bottle of scotch that Dean kept in the cabinet and poured himself a drink. When he swallowed the last of the amber liquid, he realized that he couldn't just sit there surrounded by books anymore. He closed his laptop, and with the bottle in his hand, he went outside to walk around. 

He tried to remember the names and faces of the women that he had slept with since Jess died, but hated himself when he couldn't. There were a few that stood out, but it could never have turned into anything, not with the way that he lived his life. As much as he understood their father's need for vengeance, he still resented the man. All of the abandonment issues, the emotional baggage, they couldn't rid themselves of it no matter how hard they tried. Jess loved him, but she loved the man that he pretended to be. Nobody at Stanford knew who he really was. He was basically an orphan. A smart kid with a mother that he'd never known, and a strained relationship with a father that he never saw. Then there was Dean. He'd rarely talked about Dean. He'd always felt guilty for leaving, knowing that Dean would turn out just like John. Jess loved him, but Jess never really knew him and he'd never admitted that to himself. He found a tree stump and sat down, unscrewing the bottle and pulling it to his lips.

"What's the matter, big guy?"

"What are you doing here?"

Gabe sat on the ground next to the tree stump and looked out into the woods, "I thought that maybe you could use a friend."

"So you can sense when I'm fucked up?"

"I didn't know that until tonight, but I guess so."

They sat in silence, listening to the crickets and the wind blowing through the leaves. "She never really knew me," Sam finally said quietly.

"Jessica?"

"Yeah. She knew the guy that I wanted to be, not the dirty hunter that I was."

"You weren't a dirty hunter when you were in school, Sam."

"No, but that's where I came from and I lied my ass off. My college friends all thought that I was basically an orphan. I guess that's not too far from the truth, but I lied about Dean. He was still hunting and I was embarrassed, so I lied. Most of them didn't even know that I had a brother. He traded his soul for my life after I spent four years living like he didn't even exist."

"You can't change that, Sam," Gabe said softly.

"No, but I'm still allowed to feel like shit about it. I loved her, god I loved her, and she didn't even know who I really was."

"Does that really matter now?"

"Yes it fucking matters," Sam cried. "She was in love with somebody who didn't even exist. She was in love with somebody who said and did everything right, just to fit in. That's how I know that Dean is a better man than I could ever be. He's never tried to be something that he's not. Granted, the old man decided who Dean would be when he was four years old, but he has never been embarrassed about where he came from. He knew how fucked up our lives were and instead of hiding from it, he took it by the balls and became the best."

"It's not like that, Sam. You wanted more."

"More what? I mean why in the hell did I deserve more? I walked away like I was better than him and I cringed every single time he called me. For four years I treated him like a fucking disease, and just a couple of years later he went to hell for me. He's a stone cold killer who felt like my life was more important than his, who cooks breakfast for his family, who purposely hums off key just to annoy me, who would do absolutely anything for Cas. You know, the night that Cas finally decided that he wanted to be with Dean, they shared a bed. The crazy part about that is that they shared a bed for weeks before Dean touched him. He knew Cas wasn't ready so he waited for Cas to come to him. So you tell me why I deserved more?"

"Sam, you didn't want that life."

"Neither did he, but that bastard guilt tripped him into staying. He never even let Dean have an identity of his own. God, I'm sorry Gabe."

"For what?"

"Sitting here with an open bottle of scotch, whining to you in the dark."

"You didn't call me, I showed up. Free will."

"Why did you show up?"

Gabe took a deep breath, "You fascinate me, Sam. You and Dean, everybody knows that you are two different sides of the same coin. The Winchesters have a reputation, but Sam and Dean each have their own. We all know that you can definitely hold your own in a fight, but you're not as angry or as volatile as your brother. You are the smart one who could come up with the plan, and that is just as scary in it's own right. Dean, in a lot of ways, he wears his heart on his sleeve. You can see how deeply he feels things, but not you. Unless you are saving your brother's ass, you don't show anything. But now I've seen it, and I don't just mean tonight. You get worked up when you talk about your brother, you defend him. Your guilt, your emptiness, and your loneliness, I've seen it all. Tonight you said some things that you've probably needed to say for a very long time, but didn't have anyone to say them to."

"And that's fascinating?"

"To me it is."

Sam moved off of the stump and laid on his back next to Gabe, propping himself up on his elbows. "I'm a lot more fucked up than I realized."

"I think that most of you are."

"I don't want to be alone tonight..." Sam whispered. Gabe's lips against his let him know that he didn't have to be.

\-------------------------

Sam realized that Gabe had snapped them into his room and he set the half empty bottle on his nightstand. He'd never been with a man and he was nervous, but he was lonely and drunk enough to try. They kissed, timidly at first, until Sam parted his lips and their tongues slid together. He found himself reaching for Gabe, pulling his t-shirt over his head before fumbling with the buttons on his own. Gabe's hand slid down his body and cupped him through his jeans, gently squeezing and rubbing. Sam cleared his mind of everything but the feeling of Gabe's hand slowly pulling down the zipper and freeing his hard cock, wrapping his fingers around it and gently stroking. Their lips came together again and Gabe held his free hand around Sam's wrist, guiding it between them. Sam gently gripped Gabe's cock, stroking slowly, running his palm across the head, eliciting a gasp. Gabe's mouth was trailing down his neck and across his shoulder when he started to feel the throbbing. He stroked faster, wanting them to come together. Sam felt his release and the warm sticky fluid on his stomach as Gabe cried out and came in his hand. He reached for the box of tissues on the nightstand and handed it to Gabe, letting Gabe clean them up. He was still drunk, and confused, but satiated. He stripped down to his boxers, and turned off the lamp. "I know it's pathetic, but I still don't want to be alone. Will you stay until I fall asleep."

"Of course I will."

Sam kissed him gently and rolled on his side, pulling Gabe to him. 

It wasn't long before Gabe felt Sam's heartbeat slow and his breaths begin to come evenly. He slid out of the bed and just watched him. Sam Winchester was beautiful, but he'd never expected that they would share a bed. He just smiled and shook his head before he snapped and disappeared.

\-------------------------

Sam woke up with a headache. When he rolled over and saw the half empty bottle on his nightstand, he realized why. When he saw the tissues in his garbage can the rest of the night started to come back to him. He'd basically propositioned Gabe, and Gabe had stayed with him. He heard his phone and grabbed his pants off of the floor to pull it out of his pocket. It was a text. "No, he isn't the only angel magnet" from a familiar number. Sam wasn't sure how to feel about it. Maybe he should regret it, but he didn't. It was a little awkward to have another man touch him, but his body certainly didn't seem to have a problem with it. He checked the clock, it was early enough that he could still put the bottle back and beat Cas and Dean to the shower. He grabbed clean clothes and threw on his bathrobe. 

\-------------------------

He'd been up for at least an hour when he heard the low rumble of voices and smelled the coffee. He listened to Dean hum perfectly on key and smiled before he stood up and went into the kitchen. Dean seemed happy and Cas looked better than he had in awhile. Sam had noticed Cas's skin growing pale, dark circles under his eyes, but that all seemed to be gone. Dean started his off key hum while he poured himself a cup of coffee. "So, I'm feeling a little adventurous this morning. I'm thinking of branching out here. What do you think, Sammy, pancakes or french toast?"

"Have you been watching the Food Network with Cas?" Sam grinned, surprised when it was Cas who threw a napkin at him.

"French toast it is!" Dean got to work cooking so Cas sat with Sam and wrapped his hands around the warm mug in front of him.

"How is the research coming?"

"You know, it's coming together a lot better than I expected it to."

"Are you almost done? I mean with this Asian thing."

"Um, I'm not really sure. I still have a few things to work through," Sam didn't know what was going on with him and Gabe. He'd texted back a simple "Good to know" with a cheesy smiley face. He figured that would leave things pretty open ended.

"We seriously need to hit up the grocery store," Dean said, setting a plate of food in front of Sam.

"Uh, I needed to get to the library this week, I can just go today. Make me a list and I'll stop on my way home," Sam wanted to talk to Gabe and he was starting to think that somewhere other than his bedroom might be a good idea.

"Okay, do you want anything special? Cas?"

Cas had been zoning out, not really listening to the brothers. He'd actually been able to sleep for a few hours last night, but he was still holding back a yawn. "What?"

"The grocery store, do you want anything?"

"How are we on coffee?"

"We have plenty. That's it?" Dean gave him a concerned look.

"Um, Taco Tuesday?" he mumbled, hoping that he sounded interested.

"Sounds good. I'll make you the list, Sammy, and grab you the keys."

Both Cas and Sam sighed with relief, Dean didn't seem to notice.

\-------------------------

Sam didn't text or call. He just sat down at the coffee shop, opened his laptop, and waited. He had plenty of work to keep him busy.

"So, is this where we have the awkward conversation?"

"It doesn't have to be awkward," Sam turned his head and fixed his eyes on Gabe's. "I asked you to stay, and you stayed."

"You were drunk, Sam. That's usually an easy out."

"I've been drunker than that and still told hot chicks 'no'. I don't need an out. Okay, it was a tough night. I said a lot of things and you were right, I've needed to say them for a long time but I had nobody to listen. You listened, and I wanted you with me. If you need an out, I get it."

"Did my text sound like I need an out?"

Sam smiled, "No."

"It's definitely the dimples," Gabe grinned. "So, what are we translating today?"

"Nothing. I left the books at home and I thought that maybe we could just hang out. You know most of my life story, and there's this book that I seem to find in every cheap motel room that tells a lot of yours, but I thought maybe we could fill in the blanks."

"Ah, that book. I'm much more charming than they make me out to be in that book. Okay, Sam Winchester, let's fill in the blanks. What's your favorite color?"

"Really? That's where you want to start?" Sam laughed.

"Gotta start somewhere."

They spent hours just talking and laughing. Swapping stories and telling jokes. Gabe was learning all about Dean, and things about Cas that he'd never known. Sam was learning why Cas was so damaged and he understood why things had happened the way that they did. They talked about Sam's research, what Gabe had been doing on earth for all of this time. They even joked about the days of the Trickster when Gabe did some horrible things to the Winchesters. Sam finally checked the clock and realized that he needed to get going. Gabe walked him to the car. They wrapped their arms around each other and Sam kissed him softly, "You know where to find me," he whispered before he got in the car and headed to the grocery store. He didn't know what was going on, but being with Gabe made him feel like he could be honest with himself. He was starting to understand why Dean was so different when he was around Cas. He grabbed everything on Dean's list and headed home with a smile. 

\--------------------------

"I'll cook," Sam called as he walked through the door with the groceries in hand.

"Uh Sam, you don't know how to cook."

"It's not like it's rocket science."

"You don't know shit about rocket science either," Dean said before he turned to Cas, "You have the pizza place on speed dial, right?"

Cas laughed, "Yes, but let's give Sam some credit. He might pull it off. That or we can go in there and pretend like we want to help."

"Good plan," Dean grinned, reaching for Cas's hand. 

They chopped and diced, Dean watching Sam's every movement. Dean had no idea about what was going on under the surface. The man that he loved was sick, and it was getting worse every day. The brother that he loved more than anything was starting to have feelings for a dead archangel. It was a lot to take in, and a damn good thing that he didn't know about any of it. Sam wondered what Dean's reaction would be to Gabe. He didn't think that there were any hard feeling, but Dean hated anything that reminded them of what Cas's family had done. And he wasn't too sure that Dean would be thrilled about what was going on behind closed doors.

They joked, but Dean admitted that the food was edible. Better than what their uncle Bobby used to make, and even offered Sam the job of cook, which Sam politely declined. He joined them for another movie and Cas just smiled at Sam when Dean started snoring. 

\-------------------------

Sam stripped down to his boxers and climbed into bed. He was debating on whether or not he should read for awhile, or just shut off the lamp and try to sleep when he felt it.

"Too soon?"

"I don't know, it's been at lease six hours," Sam smiled.

"I can go..."

"After you went through all of the trouble of snapping your fingers?"

"You are a smart ass, you know that?"

"That part is genetic. You've talked to my brother. Now do I have to make an ass out of myself and ask you to come over here? Or were you planning on showing off that free will thing?"

"Your house, your rules," Gabe grinned, letting Sam watch him strip off his clothes. Gabe wasn't beautiful in the same way that Dean or Sam were. Everything about him seemed average until the light hit those golden eyes and he gave off one of his grins. Something about that brought a smile to Sam's face. It was real and it was honest. He held the blanket up and then reached across Gabe and shut off the lamp. 

"So last night was kind of..."

"Messy and confusing?" Sam finished.

"Something like that. I like you, Sam. You aren't the man I expected you to be, and I mean that in the best way."

Sam reached for Gabe, "You listened to me go off in the woods, and you didn't judge me. You just listened and then told me that I fascinate you. It wasn't a pick up, it didn't feel like a pick up. It felt honest, and who gets honesty from a Trickster?"

"You'll never let me live the Trickster things down, will you?"

"No," Sam grinned, finding Gabe's lips in the dark. 

They touched, inexperienced hands against needy skin. It was slow and it was easy in the dark, they had to feel each other, explore with their hands and their mouths. Gabe wanted to learn every inch of Sam's body. He ran his fingers across the taut stomach, tracing the hard muscles under the supple skin. He heard the sharp intake of breath when he gently bit on a sensitive nipple. Sam arched against his touch, moaning and gasping. Sam was losing himself, this wasn't drunk and quick, it was sober and hungry. He felt Gabe settle between his legs, trapping their hard cocks between them, their hips starting to rock. It felt so good to have a warm body in his bed. Gentle mouths quickly became desperate when Sam started rocking faster. Gabe's lips grazing his collarbone, the soft words of encouragement all added to the build and he knew that he was going to come. He slid his hands to the small of Gabe's back and pressed their bodies together. The friction was almost unbearable when Sam bit his lip to keep from crying out. He felt the warmth spread between them. Gabe rocked a few more times and came with a deep groan, letting himself melt against Sam. Sam wrapped his arms around Gabe's trembling body, the scent of musk and sex was thick in the air, the sound of their labored breathing broke the silence. When the heat became too much, Gabe rolled onto his back, this time letting Sam clean them up.

"We could seriously use a shower right now," Gabe said quietly.

"Yeah, but that would probably give us away. Remind me to get wet wipes."

"So I'm invited back?"

Sam grinned, "You're invited back. No more worrying about the awkward shit."

They laid side by side, Gabe reaching to intertwine their fingers and they talked. 

\-------------------------

They both groaned when Gabe finally crawled out of bed and searched for his clothes, "You need to get some sleep and there's no guarantee that I will let you if I stay in that bed for one more minute." He bent down to kiss Sam. "I still want to help you with your translation, I know how much it means to you."

Sam just smiled, "Thank you." He heard the snap and felt Gabe leave. He rolled over and pulled the pillow to him. He didn't know what was going on, but it was something, and for the first time in a long time, he felt wanted and understood.

\-------------------------

Dean was already in bed, and probably starting to doze off, while Cas was brushing his teeth. He could see that his eyes were getting red and puffy again. His skin was turning pale. Dean asked him every few days if he was okay, and he always said that he was fine, but really he was afraid and he knew that he was starting to pull away. He splashed cold water on his face and felt some hit his open mouth. Without thinking, he held his hands under the tap and pulled the cold water to his lips, drinking it. He lifted his head and looked in the mirror again. He had eaten every meal set before him for the last few days, he nodded off with his head on Dean's chest, and now he was thirsty. He was becoming human. Angels didn't just become human, something had happened to his grace. He knew that Dean would try to understand, that he would hold him and wipe away the fearful tears, but he couldn't do that. Not when everything was going so well. Dean hadn't asked to hunt in months, Sam's research was moving along at a record pace. Everybody seemed happy, happier than they had been in a long time. He drank more water, splashed his face again, and walked down the hallway, the concrete cold beneath his bare feet. He stripped down and crawled into bed, expecting Dean to be asleep.

\-------------------------

Dean was awake and waiting. He pulled him close and dropped a light kiss on his forehead, softly kissing his cheeks before pressing his full lips to Cas's. Cas felt Dean's tongue slide against his mouth before he parted his lips, he needed to feel Dean's body against his. He needed to feel the excitement and the passion instead of the fear that crept into bed with them every night. The kiss deepened, hands started roaming, gentle moans passed between them before Dean pulled Cas on top of him and reached into the nightstand. He handed Cas the bottle of lube while he adjusted the pillows, sliding them under his hips. Cas searched his face, his shining green eyes, with question. "I don't know how many times I have watched you come when I am inside of you. I see a look on your face that I can't even describe, I know that you feel things that you can't even describe. Before you say it, yes I know that it will hurt, but I want to feel those things Cas. I know that you can take me to that place, but you have to do it without fear. Shut off the part of you that is hesitating and let me have this, let us have this. I want to feel you."

Cas knelt between Dean's legs, his eyes roaming the perfect body in front of him. His hands slid up Dean's thighs, stopping to massage his hips before he bent down and covered Dean's body with his own, holding him against the bed with a deep kiss. Although he had barely been touched, imagining himself inside of Dean had him rock hard. "Go ahead," Dean whispered in his ear, trailing his lips down Cas's neck. With steady hands, Cas dripped lube on his fingers and reached between them, gently tracing one around Dean's virgin hole, stopping to press on it. Cas's lack of fear, that small act of dominance was more than Dean expected and he could feel his body throbbing with anticipation. He spread his legs wide and tensed when he felt a finger start to slide in and out of him. Dean could feel Cas's need when he kissed him again, slipping in the second finger. Dean visibly cringed, but Cas found the spot that brought pleasure with the pain and lightly skimmed it with his fingertip, still sliding in and out, attempting to stretch Dean. It was like nothing Dean had ever experienced before, he was starting to feel the things that he had seen on Cas's face so many times. A third finger brought more pain, but every graze against that maddeningly sensitive place made him desperate to feel Cas inside of him for the first time. He didn't say a word, and Cas didn't ask before he pulled his fingers out and lined up his slick cock, burying it deep. He cried out, but Cas knew what he was feeling. He knew to wait until Dean's body relaxed. He knew where to touch and where to kiss. Dean gently moved his hips, giving himself over, giving Cas control. The combination of white hot pain and sweet intensity overwhelmed him. He vaguely felt the stroking of his own cock and knew that he could come quickly if he let himself. Instead he rocked his hips, encouraging Cas to thrust. He could feel everything that he had ever seen on Cas's face. His eyes closed and his legs spread wider when he felt himself start to throb. He knew that he needed to open his eyes, he needed to see what Cas saw, he needed Cas to see him as he cried out and came. Cas's hand was gripping his hip so tightly that they both knew that it was going to leave bruises, but neither one cared. Dean was in another place while Cas fucked him hard, finally pulling his bottom lip between his teeth and letting his head fall back, the loud moan of Dean's name escaping his lips. Dean was trembling, he was light headed, he watched Cas gently rock against him until he reached out and pulled his body close. He was already sore, and he knew that it would only get worse, but it had been more than what he had hoped. Cas had taken him to that place. They were panting, unable to catch their breaths when Cas pulled himself up on his arms and again searched that perfect face. The green eyes were glossy and the smile was lazy. He didn't know which was better, finally coming inside of Dean, or what he saw in Dean's eyes. They were both going to feel the pain from this for days, but it was worth it. Cas dipped his head for a long lingering kiss before he pulled out and rolled on to his back. He couldn't even speak, there weren't words. Even thought it had all happened so quickly, they were both still dizzy with the waves of pleasure that washed over them.

They turned their heads and looked at one another in silence, seeing things in a whole new light. Dean was even more drawn to Cas for not hesitating, for not being afraid. He had been raw and primal and he had fucked Dean on his terms. Cas saw the trust in Dean's eyes, felt it in his body. Dean had given himself to Cas in a way that neither of them ever thought possible. Dean leaned forward and kissed Cas softly. "Shower?" Cas just nodded and rolled out of bed, throwing on his robe.

\-------------------------

Dean had the hood open and was leaning over his car when Sam walked up. He quietly opened the cooler that was always full of beer and grabbed two, tapping his hand against Dean's shoulder to get his attention. Dean took the bottle and reached inside of the driver side window to turn the radio down.

"Thanks for the hand off, I was getting ready to grab one myself. What's up?" 

Sam sat on the cooler and looked at his brother. He felt like he had a lot of explaining and apologizing to do, but Dean wasn't a talker and he didn't know where to start. "I've been thinking a lot lately and...I...just...I don't know. I feel like I owe you an apology."

"For what?" Dean asked, popping the top off of the bottle and taking a long drink.

Sam finally looked up and met his brother's eyes, "For leaving. For leaving you with dad."

"Sammy, you didn't do anything wrong. You did everything right. Shit, I'm the one who fucked up and owes you the apology. I never should have showed up at Stanford that night. But, can we not do this?"

"I don't want to do anything, I just want you to hear me out."

Dean turned away in frustration. He felt backed into a corner. He was worried about Cas, but too afraid to admit how worried. He could see something different in Sam, but couldn't figure out what it was. "Seriously Sam, I don't need the 'sorry I bailed' talk. We've done this, we really don't need to do it again."

"But I've never told you the truth, not all of it. I know that we've had the 'sorry I bailed' talk, but this is about what happened after I left."

"Nothing happened, Sam. I was hunting with dad and you got busy doing your school shit."

"Dean, I lied. I lied my ass off the entire time I was at Stanford. Most of my so called friends thought that I was an orphan, that I had no family." Sam could see Dean's body start to tense, but he needed to keep talking. "I was embarrassed. I was ashamed of who I really was, who you were."

"You had every right to be," Dean said quietly.

"No, I didn't. The only difference between you and I was that you were a better hunter and I studied harder. That's it. You've always said that I deserved more than this, but why do I deserve it and you don't? We come from the same place, Dean. We went through the same shit growing up. You traded your soul for my life after I spent years putting you in my rearview mirror, hoping that my friends would never find out what it meant to be a Winchester."

"What is this about, Sam? Where is this coming from?"

"I don't know. I just...I guess it just hit me that nobody at Stanford really knew me, not even Jess. They only saw what I wanted them to see. You raised me. You watched out for me. You were more of a father to me than dad was. And Jess? Jess was my life. But deep down I never wanted the two of you to meet because I didn't want her to know where I came from. I avoided your calls, I pretended like you didn't even exist...."

"No, no, no...we are not doing this," Dean slammed the hood of his car and finally turned to his brother, "You should have avoided my calls and you should have pretended like I didn't exist because you do deserve better than this. You deserve more than living in a bunker with your fucked up brother, surviving day to day using phony credit cards and hustling pool at dive bars just to buy food and put gas in the car, the car that we were basically fucking raised in. You're right, I was the better hunter and you did study harder and there's a reason for that. Me? This was always going to be my life. It wouldn't have mattered what I did, I was always just going to be Dean Winchester the scumbag hunter."

"So what makes us so different? I've killed almost as much as you have. I've done some pretty fucked up shit, I think that we both know that. Why is Dean Winchester a scumbag hunter but Sam Winchester isn't? Somebody told me that you and I, we're just two sides of the same coin. We come from the same place, and I never deserved more than you. I wasn't loyal, I wasn't protective, I wasn't any of the things that you were. I've been carrying this with me for a long time, Dean. I was wrong. That guy who went to Stanford? As much as you may have wanted it for me, it wasn't who I really am. Was I supposed to get married and have kids? Tell those kids that there aren't monsters under the bed when I know better?"

"That's exactly what you were supposed to do, Sam! Hunters don't get to live normal lives. We don't have the luxury of family and love, dad proved that. Now maybe I'm the exception to the rule because I found someone willing to crawl into my bed every night. I found someone who looks at me like I am everything when I know that I haven't done a damn thing to earn it. But I do everything that I can to keep him believing that, scared that one day I will wake up alone. So let's flip the switch, why do I deserve that? Why do I deserve to be happy with a man who loves me? Life...this life...shit any life...it's just fucked up, man. We survive, that's all we can do," Dean's voice softened. "I knew that you didn't want anything to do with me while you were at school. I tried to let you go, but I didn't. I fucked up, maybe you fucked up, but here we are. So if you need to get shit off your back, I'll listen. But, I am not accepting a damn apology for anything. Not after all of the shit that we've been through. Now get your ass off my cooler and hand me another beer."

Sam grabbed two more bottles out of the cooler and handed one to his brother, "You have earned what Cas gives to you. I've spent years watching you pick up the pieces for him, letting him come back after he's walked away. You've always been there, and he's always known it."

"Yeah, maybe. I probably have his fucked up family to thank for it too. If they hadn't pulled all of the shit that they did, he probably wouldn't have turned around that night."

"Did you know that you loved him that night?"

"I don't know, maybe. I knew that I didn't want to picture my life without him, but I was prepared to. It had to be his choice. Hell, every day that he's here is his choice. It's my job to make it worth it to him. Cas, this bunker, I've done a lot better than most hunters that we know." Dean took a long drink and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, "But I look at you, and sometimes it kills me. All I ever wanted was someplace to rest my head and maybe a warm body next to me, something more than a cheap hook up. I have that. I watch you stare at that computer and I know why you do it, I know what it means to you, but I know that it's not enough. I get why dad was the way that he was. If something like that happened to Cas, I'd be hell bent on revenge. You went through that with Jess. But here I am, the least deserving and the luckiest."

"You are not the least deserving."

"I don't deserve him, Sam."

"Would you die for him?"

"You know that I would."

"Then you deserve him."

"Okay, chick flick moment over? Do we have all of the apologies and forgiveness and all of that other shit out of the way? We don't have to like hug it out or anything, do we?"

"Nah," Sam chuckled. "No hugging it out. But I mean what I said."

"I know you do, Sammy," Dean said softly, opening the hood back up and leaning over the engine again. Sam knew that the conversation was over and he quietly went back into the bunker.

\-------------------------

"I don't get it. He's one of the most sensitive people you could ever meet, but the guy won't accept apologies, he can't bring himself to say the three magical words..."

"Wait," Gabe interrupted. "He's never actually told Castiel that he loves him?"

"Not that I know of. If I ask him if he loves Cas he doesn't deny it, but I've never heard him say it."

"Maybe he's afraid. I kind of get it, I mean he's Dean Winchester. The first time I saw him I knew that he feels too much. The way he's put his life on the line for my little brother. He traded his soul for your life."

"Yeah, and I think about that every day. I don't need you adding to the guilt trip."

"Sam, think about it. He wouldn't be where he is now if he hadn't. Would you stop pacing and sit down? You're driving me fucking nuts."

Sam sighed and laid across the bed next to Gabe. After his talk with Dean he needed to vent, and Gabe always seemed to know when he needed to vent.

"Okay, much better. Now where was I?"

"If Dean hadn't traded his soul for my life..." Sam mumbled.

"Right. Then Castiel never would have retrieved it. They never would have met. I know that he went through some seriously fucked up shit down there, and I know that some seriously fucked up shit has happened since, but they made it. They got through all of the bullshit and they're just a few doors down the hall doing whatever it is that they're doing. But they're together."

"You're right, you are," Sam mumbled, running his hands down his face. "I just wish that he would accept my apology, you know?"

"Why? So you won't feel guilty anymore?"

"Maybe"

"Then stop feeling fucking guilty. Sam, he has a home and an man...or angel I guess...who loves him. You obviously mean everything to him and you're here. This life, this bubble is exactly what Dean has always wanted. Your apology doesn't mean shit. He let that go a long time ago."

"Do you really think so?"

"Yes. Dean Winchester holds grudges. Shit, I'm still worried about what would happen if he saw me, especially considering...well you know. He forgave you a long time ago, so drop it. Forgive yourself."

"Easier said than done. I'm just fucked up right now. It's like I don't know which way is up. My childhood was fucked up, my college years were a lie, then things just got crazier and crazier, and now here I am."

"Is there something wrong with where you are?" Gabe laid back next to Sam and put his hands behind his head, staring up at the ceiling.

"No. The bunker is safe, the library is amazing, I have my brother back in a way I've never had before, and then there's..."

"What, Sam?"

"I don't think that I've ever really had a true friend before. I know that sounds juvenile," Sam said quietly. "But I've just never trusted somebody enough to talk about who I am and where I come from. I can't talk to Dean about Dean. I can't talk to Cas about Dean. I mean, Dean isn't the root of of all of my problems, but how do I vent about my life when he's been right by my side going through the same shit. We come at it from different directions and we don't always see things the same way."

"So I'm going to go out on a limb and say that your 'and then there's...' is about us?"

"Well, yeah," Sam said, feeling the warmth crawl up his neck and onto his cheeks. It had been months, and he and Gabe had never established what was going on. Sam did know if they were in a position to do that.

"I told you that you fascinate me, and you still do. I mean the smart thing, that was kind of a given. But you're honest and real, and even funny once in awhile."

"Thanks," Sam said wryly, his lips turning at the corner.

Gabe pulled himself onto his elbows and looked at Sam, "I didn't say that you're funny all of the time, just once in awhile," he grinned.

"And you're an asshole," Sam said, rolling on top of him and holding him against the bed with his body.

"Who gives one hell of a blow job," Gabe smiled, pulling Sam to him for a kiss.

\-------------------------

Their clothes had long since landed on the floor as they were pulled off of their sweaty bodies and dropped. Sam still didn't understand why his body reacted to Gabe the way that it did, but it was undeniable. There was only one thing that they'd never done, and as badly as Sam wanted to, he wasn't going to ask. He knew that although they'd talked about relationships not needing to have a dominant/submissive dynamic, sexually he was the alpha in this situation, but this was something that needed to be on Gabe's terms. He finally heard the words that he'd been waiting for...

\-------------------------

Sam's head was tiled back, Gabe's lips trailing across his neck being careful not to leave marks. Sam's body was remarkable and Gabe took every opportunity he could to see it, feel it, taste it. "I want you to fuck me," he whispered hotly in Sam's ear. It had been a long and emotional day, and Sam needed no encouragement. He didn't want to be gentle, and he knew that Gabe understood that. He pulled the small bottle out of his drawer and rolled Gabe onto his stomach, moving to stand at the end of the bed. He wrapped his hands around Gabe's hips and pulled them up, already dripping lube on his fingers, already feeling himself throbbing. He ran his hand soothingly down Gabe's back and softly kissed the back of his neck when he slid the first finger in. The second finger elicited a gasp and Sam slowly moved them in and out, inexperienced but knowing that he just needed to find the right spot, the right angle. He heard the moan building and slipped in a third finger, pulling them apart, trying to stretch him. Sam didn't want to hurt him, but he needed this. He pulled his fingers out and buried his cock, reaching to grab Gabe's shoulders and hold their bodies together. "It's okay, just let me know," he said quietly, already feeling the build. it had been so long and he just needed this release. He started to gently rock, moving his body, tilting his hips until he felt the shudder and knew that he had found the spot that would make Gabe want this. He wasn't going to last long. He slid his hand around Gabe's body and wrapped it around his cock, stroking as he thrust. He felt selfish until he heard the loud moan and felt the sticky warmth dripping between his fingers. Sam finally let himself go and with one final thrust he buried himself deep and came harder than he'd ever come before. They rocked slowly until Sam went limp and Gabe rolled onto his back, leaving enough room on the bed for Sam to lay with him. They cleaned up and just laid there breathing heavily, waiting for their hearts to return to a regular beat, before they could talk.

\-------------------------

"Didn't really expect that," Sam panted.

"But you needed it."

"Oh hell yeah." Sam reached out and pulled Gabe to him, waiting for him to rest his head on his chest. Things were different. More personal, more intimate. "You okay?"

"Sore as hell. It's going to hurt to sit for awhile. I was spot on when I said that whole 6'4" thing might carry over."

Sam grinned and kissed the top of his head, "Flattery will get you everywhere."

"It's not flattery. I mean I've watched a lot of porn, trust me, but you're the first..."

"Yeah...mine too..." Sam said quietly.

"Is this how you treat all of your friends?"

"No, just the ones that I trust."

Gabe smiled in the dark and pressed his body closer to Sam. He knew that this was a night when Sam needed to feel him there until he fell asleep. He finally felt Sam's heartbeat slow and his breath even out. He begrudgingly crawled out of the bed and searched for his clothes. He was starting to understand why Castiel had made the decision that he'd made. There was something about the Winchesters.

\-------------------------

They were all on edge, but each for their own reason. Dean knew that they needed to get out and go do something. He suggested dinner and a movie marathon at the local theater. They were showing old black and whites. It wasn't like Dean to suggest that type of thing, but he knew that Cas and Sam both loved them. He'd probably fall asleep, but this tension was starting to permeate his home and he couldn't live like that. They all happily agreed, they knew that they needed a distraction so that they could clear their heads. Sam knew that Dean kept the PDA to a minimum around him, but smiled when he watched him reach for Cas's hand. Dean was happy, he was being true to himself, and he was proud that Cas was his.

Dinner was boisterous and fun. Even Cas ate most of his food, claiming it was better than the slop they got at home. Dean couldn't even bring himself to pretend to be offended, he saw smiles from both Cas and Sam, and that meant everything to him.  
.  
The movies were painfully long and boring. Dean had no problem with black and whites, he knew that Sam and Cas were convinced that he only like westerns, but these were old. Horribly acted with ridiculous looking sets and a storyline that they could have covered in 20 minutes, but somehow dragged out into three hours. As expected, he dozed off. Sam finally shook him awake. It was late and he was tired. He could see the heaviness in Dean's eyes as they walked to the parking lot and offered to drive, knowing that Dean would say no. He'd watched his brother drive for 24 hours straight without a problem. They were only about 30 minutes away from home, and they all just wanted to get to bed.

They pulled out on to the highway, Dean rolling his window down and turning the music up to stay alert. He knew that he was pushing it, that he might see the red and blue lights behind him. He became paranoid, he was pretty sure that he was still wanted in two or three states on bogus charges. He was doing over 50 miles an hour and checking his rear view mirror, he didn't see the concrete road construction barrier in time. He didn't even get the chance to touch the brakes, they hit it at full speed. Dean slammed his chest against the steering wheel hard enough to break it and his head hit the windshield, shattering it completely. Cas had a split second to react and tried to roll up in a ball. He hit the glove box and felt things inside of him crack and break before his head bounced off of the dashboard, splitting it wide open. Sam was in the backseat and just ducked until he was laying down. His entire body shot forward, but was stopped by the front seat and other than some bruises and cuts, he was fine. 

Cas was groaning, curled up on the passenger floorboard. Dean's body had been thrown back when they came to a complete stop. Sam finally sat up to survey the damage. Cas was conscious but incoherent. He just whimpered and cried until he looked up and saw Dean. Dean wasn't moving. He had open cuts on his head, which was slumped to the side. There was so much blood, Cas couldn't tell how many cuts there were, or where it all was coming from. When he noticed the trickle that came out of his ear and down his neck, he knew that Dean needed help right away. He could see Sam opening the driver side door, begging Cas to help him slide Dean over. The engine was still running and Sam hoped that at the very least they could limp her home. Cas held Dean and kept mumbling, "hospital," over and over. Cas understood that hunters avoided hospitals and although he'd stopped using his angelic abilities, Sam knew that healing Dean would have to be the exception to the rule. The car finally stalled out just a few yards from the bunker door. Sam knew that moving Dean was dangerous, but they had to get him inside. Cas could barely move but somehow found the strength to help Sam get him in the bunker and on to their bed. Sam stood back and surveyed the damage. Dean's entire head and face were covered in blood. He pulled up his shirt and could see the massive purple bruise beginning to form on his chest, Sam figured that he probably broke his sternum, and he'd obviously broken a collarbone. The bruising extended down his stomach which meant internal bleeding. His left leg was turned at a strange angle, it was broken and broken badly. Cas crawled on the bed and laid his arms and head against Dean, but nothing happened.

"Cas? What happened to touching his forehead with two fingers and boom, he's healed?" Sam was in a panic.

"I've been losing..." Cas mumbled before he lost consciousness.

Sam reached out and shook him, "Cas. Cas! Damnit Cas, wake up! What the fuck is going on here? You have to do it, you have to help him. CAS!!" Sam screamed hysterically. Cas's eyes would flutter, but he couldn't sit up, he could barely talk. "I've lost most of it, Sam. I can't do it..." and he drifted off again. Dean's breathing was becoming uneven and he was starting to wheeze. Best case scenario was that he had a collapsed lung. "CAS SIT UP AND FUCKING TALK TO ME!!" Cas used every ounce of energy that he had to turn his head. "All I can do is keep him alive, and I don't even know how long I can do that..." he lost consciousness again and Sam couldn't get him to wake up. Sam was dizzy, he didn't know if it was from the accident or the fear of losing his brother and Cas. Dean wasn't going to make it if he didn't do something. He ran outside and tried to start the Impala, but the engine wouldn't turn over, there was too much damage. He ran back into the bunker and stood over Cas and Dean. The closest gas station was just a couple of miles. He might be able to run there and call an ambulance. The dizziness was getting worse and his head started pounding. "I'm so sorry," he softly whispered before he lost consciousness and slumped to the floor.

\-------------------------

He didn't hear any noise at first, he didn't feel anything. He finally heard a low voice and lifted his head. He was laying on the floor in Dean's room, watching Gabriel's back. He jumped up and hurried to the bed. Gabriel was touching Dean. "He's pretty fucked up, but I can do it." He ran his hands across Dean's forehead, down his chest, and rested them on his stomach. "You may want to turn around for this," he whispered to Sam as he reached for Dean's leg. Sam couldn't move, he was rooted in place while he watched Gabriel physically pull, push, and prod to get Dean's leg straight before he wrapped his hand around it. "Okay, that's all of the big stuff." He reached up and trailed his finger across Dean's face, the cuts and bruises, the splits and gashes all disappeared. "Now on to my little brother." Sam saw that Cas was still curled up into a ball next to Dean. He wanted to watch, but he needed to clean the blood off of Dean's face. He ran into the bathroom for wet washcloths and towels. Cas and Dean were both still out, but breathing evenly. Sam cleaned up as much of the blood as he could. They were both alive, they were both fine. He leaned back against the wall, slid to the floor, and dropped his head between his knees. Gabriel knelt on the floor and pulled Sam to him, healing him and letting him finally cry. They sat like that until they heard the familiar voice. "What in the fuck is going on?" Gabriel let go, "I'll leave." Sam stood up and wrapped his fingers around Gabriel's wrist, shaking his head. It was time to be honest. Dean needed to know that for some reason, Cas couldn't heal him, and he needed to know who did.

\-------------------------

"Why do we all look like extras from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and what is wrong with Cas?"

"We were in an accident, Dean. You hit a concrete barrier at full speed. You split your head open, broke your sternum, internal injuries, a broken leg, and I don't know what else. Cas broke some ribs and messed up his shoulder. You almost died."

"So Cas? But if he healed me why is he...okay, none of this makes any fucking sense. Especially since I can tell that you have somebody hiding behind you."

Gabe reluctantly stepped away from Sam, "Let me explain..."

"What in the hell...you're dead. Lucifer killed you."

"Um, apparently not, but that's a story for another time. Castiel couldn't heal you, but he was able to keep you alive until I got here."

"Okay, that brings up a couple of questions. Why couldn't he heal us, and what in the hell is wrong with him?"

"He's asleep, Dean."

"You're an angel so I'm pretty sure you understand how this thing works. Angels don't sleep."

"Castiel has't been using his abilities. His grace has faded. I'm guessing that he needs to eat and drink too."

"He's been eating a drinking for awhile."

"Because he wanted to. He has human needs now. This has probably been going on for a few months."

"So that's why he..." Dean trailed off, looking down at Cas curled up against him. "Why didn't you just tell me?" he whispered.

"He's fine, Dean. If he wants his grace fully restored, I can do that for him."

"That's up to him, and it's not something he needs to decide right away. Now can we get to how in the hell you ended up here, alive?"

"Uh okay, let's just say that the whole Trickster deal taught me a thing or two about acting."

"You faked your death?"

"Pretty much."

"Okay, and you ended up in my bedroom because?"

"An old friend needed some help."

Dean looked at his brother, but Sam wouldn't make eye contact. "An old friend? Sam? The dead archangel Gabriel is an old friend?"

"We kind of bumped into each other when I was looking for somebody to translate a book written in Enochian. He offered to help."

"Wait, if you needed a book written in Enochian translated, why didn't you ask Cas?"

"I don't know, he just seems so far removed from all of that I didn't want to bring up bad memories."

"So you happened to bump into an archangel who offered to do it for you?"

"Yeah, kinda."

They all saw Cas starting to stir and mumble. "I need to get him in the shower and cleaned up. He's obviously been going through some serious shit and hiding it, he's going to be confused as hell when he wakes up."

"Yeah, yeah no problem," Sam stammered, pulling clean clothes out of Dean's dresser and helping him get Cas out of the bed. "We'll clean up in here."

\-------------------------

"Damnit Cas, you should have said something," Dean said quietly, holding him under the warm stream in the shower. He watched the red tinted water swirl down the drain until it ran clear and helped Cas get dried off and dressed. He wrapped his arm around him and walked him slowly back to the bedroom where he found Sam and Gabe picking up the blood soaked sheets and wiping the random spattering of red droplets off of the floor. Dean handed Sam their bloody clothes. "We need to talk, but right now he's my priority." He climbed into the bed and let Sam help him get Cas under the blanket. He pulled Cas close, holding his hand against his chest to feel his heart beating. He didn't let the tears come until after Sam had closed the door softly behind him. He pressed his face against the back of Cas's neck and cried silently. "You should have told me, baby. You should have told me," he whispered until he too drifted off.

\-------------------------

Sam sank into a chair while Gabe dug around in the cabinet until he found what was left of the bottle of scotch that had led to their first night together. He poured a glass and set it in front of Sam, "here, drink." 

Sam picked up the glass and took a long swallow. "Thank you," he said quietly with a catch in his voice.

"There's no need to thank me, Sam."

"There is every need to thank you. What is in that room is what means the most to me. Dean would have died, Dean was going to die. But you...you found us and you..." Sam felt the silent tears.

"Of course I did. Sam, I'm not going to let anything happen to you, to any of you." Sam watched Gabe pull a chair in front of him and sit down, reaching for his shaking hands. "Listen, I'm a smart ass and I'm a dick, I know that. I don't know what's going on here, with us. We don't need to have that talk tonight, we don't need to have it at all. Just know that from my side, I will always be here when you need me." Sam just looked into those golden eyes and nodded. "Now drink up, I'm guessing that you could use it."

"That and a shower."

"I can go, let you get some rest."

"No, please stay. I really don't want to be alone. And didn't you say something once about cleanliness being next to godliness?"

They locked eyes and Gabe gave Sam that grin that always made him smile.

\-------------------------

Sam leaned against the tile wall and closed his eyes, letting the warm water and Gabe's hands relax him. He was exhausted by the time he dried off, pulled his boxers on, and climbed into bed, holding the blanket up for Gabe to join him. Sam couldn't remember the last time he felt like he needed to be comforted when he laid his head on Gabe's chest and shivered when he felt Gabe's fingers trail lightly up and down his back.

"Dean really does love him."

"More than anything," Sam said quietly. "He's going to end up beating himself up over this."

"Why? I mean, I guess it pretty much sucks about the car, but everybody is okay."

"Only because of you, but he's still going to blame himself. The accident, not catching on to the fact that Cas has been sick, a lot of things. That's how he is, he takes on the blame when there really isn't any."

"Castiel isn't sick, he just needs a recharge."

"He won't want one, I can guarantee it. Cas wants to be human."

"What does Dean want?"

"He just wants Cas. I know that a part of you hasn't believed me when I talk about him...them...but you saw it for yourself. Cas means everything to him."

"You do realize that the secret's out. I mean not the 'secret' secret, but Dean knows that I'm alive."

"I know, and he'll figure out the 'secret' secret pretty quickly. I understand if you don't want to be around for that."

"You really think that he's going to figure it out?"

"He's going to ask me, and I'm not going to lie to him. I have no reason to. I'm not ashamed of anything that's happened."

Gabe kissed the top of Sam's head and wrapped his arms tighter, "I would say neither am I, but it's kinda pointless."

"What do you mean?" Sam tilted his head to search for those golden eyes in the dark.

"I hit the jackpot, and I know it."

Sam leaned up and pressed his lips to Gabe's, pulling their bodies together. He needed to be touched, he needed to be held, he just needed to be needed. 

\-------------------------

Cas felt the heaviness that had become so familiar. His thoughts were hazy and he started to yawn when he realized that Dean was there, but he wasn't snoring. He felt Dean's body shift on the bed and he opened his eyes.

"Hey baby," Dean whispered, staring down into those bright blue eyes.

"Dean...I....uh..." Cas struggled to sit up, but Dean gently pressed him back against his pillow with a soft kiss.

"Why didn't you say anything?" he asked, trailing the fingers down the side of Cas's face.

"I didn't know what was going on, I still don't. I'm scared, Dean, and I didn't want to worry you until I figured it out."

"It can't be like that, Cas. If something is going on, you need to tell me. We're in this together."

"I know," Cas whispered. "I don't remember coming home last night. I don't remember getting undressed or getting into bed. This sleeping thing is getting worse and I don't know what any of it means." He could feel the tears forming. Dean wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close, quietly reassuring him. He knew that Cas was going to be okay, he just didn't know how to explain what had happened. 

"Cas, I uh, I need to tell you something."

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, yeah everything is fine, now. We were in an accident. I don't know, I was tired and not paying attention and from what Sam said I hit a concrete barrier doing about 50."

Cas sat up, searching Dean's face and body, not seeing any bruises or marks. "An accident? But I don't remember...I mean...how..."

"You and I were hurt, I guess I was seriously fucked up, but Sam made it out with just a few bumps and bruises. We couldn't get you to wake up. You were healed, but you wouldn't really come to. You don't remember anything?"

"No," Dean could see the fear in Cas's watery eyes.

"It's okay, baby. I think that Sam's up and brewing coffee. There are a lot of blank spots for me to. I'll make us some breakfast and let him explain it." Dean felt like an asshole for putting Sam in the position of trying to explain what had happened, but he was the only one who really knew.

They crawled out of bed, and followed the scent of coffee. Dean's stomach dropped when he heard the soft murmur of voices coming from the kitchen. "Who's here?" Cas asked, moving past Dean and through the doorway. He heard the gasp and stepped forward to wrap an arm around Cas from behind. Sam was leaning against the counter and the brothers locked eyes. Sam could see the confusion, but all he could do was shrug. 

\-------------------------

"Gabriel? Dean...did you?"

"I just found out about eight hours ago. I didn't exactly expect this little breakfast guest appearance, but I guess I can stop trying to figure out how I'm going to tell you that Gabriel is alive." Cas slid out of Dean's hold and sat down at the table across from Gabriel, the stunned expression still etched on his face. "Uh, do you want some coffee baby?" Cas just nodded at Dean who turned his attention to Sam as he was grabbing the mugs from the cabinet. "Slumber party?" he whispered.

"We can talk about it later."

"Uh, if that's your answer then I don't think that we need to talk about it," Dean said with a sideways glance before he poured the coffee and fixed Cas's the way he liked it. He set the mug in front of Cas and sat at the table, still looking at his brother. Sam just sighed and shook his head before he picked up his own mug and took the fourth chair.

\-------------------------

"First things first, Cas," Dean said. "This sleeping thing, that's not all that's been going on, is it? Eating? Drinking?"

"How did you know?"

"Your grace has faded, Castiel," Gabe said gently. "I'm guessing that you haven't been using your abilities. You have enough left to keep you connected to upstairs. Angel radio and all of the other bullshit, that isn't an issue. You aren't sick, you're just becoming more, I don't know, human I guess. Now, I'm still an archangel. Nobody knows that I'm alive except the three of you, but I do have the ability to, I guess, give your grace a recharge."

"What will happen if you don't?"

"Nothing. I mean you'll have to eat, drink, and sleep like these apes, but that's about it. You're still infinite."

Dean let the 'apes' comment slide. He didn't want to start anything at the breakfast table.

"Then I don't want it. I'm fine."

"Okay. Now you won't have the luxury of the whole teleporting thing, which will pretty much suck because it's super convenient, but you also won't be able to heal."

"If I can't heal, then how..."

"He showed up last night. He healed you, saved my life. It was confusing and fucked up, so I don't know if I ever thanked you. If I didn't, then thank you," Dean said quietly, getting up from the table. "Anybody want breakfast?" he mumbled. He didn't have a problem with Gabriel, sure the Trickster always annoyed him, but there was obviously a lot more going on than he'd realized.

Gabe looked at Sam and shrugged slightly, that was more appreciation than he would have expected from Dean Winchester. "I know that I'm pointing out the obvious by saying that I faked my own death. I would say that it's a long story, but that's actually about it. It's a mess up there, I don't want to deal with it. You were smart to get out, Castiel."

"Cas..."

"Okay Cas, you made the right choice. There is nothing good for either one of us up there right now. It's chaos, and before you tell me that as an archangel I should go up and restore order, fuck that. I don't want to play the game anymore. The only reason I've kept my grace is because of the perks, not because I believe. I asked too many questions too many times, just like you did. And when I didn't get answers, Luci gave me an out without realizing it."

"No, I get it. You're just going to have to give me a little time to wrap my head around all of this. I mean, I'm losing my grace, you're alive, Dean said that we were in a bad accident last night that neither one of us remembers."

"So, I guess this is where it's Sam's turn to talk," Dean said quietly from where he was standing at the stove with his back to them.

"I'm not really sure what happened, I mean we were just coming home from the movies..."

"What happened was I was stupid and reckless and drove us into a slab of concrete," Dean said, sliding the pan to a cool burner and leaning his elbows on the counter, dropping his head into his hands. Cas went to him and pulled him into his arms. "I'm sorry, I'm so damn sorry baby," Dean whispered. "I could have killed us both, I almost did. And you should have felt like you could come to me when you thought that you were sick. God, I am so sorry." He buried his face in Cas's neck doing everything he could not to break down in front of Sam and Gabriel. Cas wrapped his arms around Dean and held him close, whispering softly.

"I told you," Sam said quietly while Gabe just watched the two of them in an embrace. They could see Dean's body silently shaking while Cas reassured him. Dean finally loosened his arms and leaned back, searching Cas's eyes. These were the moments when he wished that he could say the words, he knew that Cas didn't need to hear them, that he didn't care, but Dean needed to be able to say them. Cas reached up and held Dean's face in his hands, leaning in to kiss him gently, whispering sweet words until Dean nodded and turned back to the stove. "Sorry Sam, go ahead and finish. Gabriel, you want something to eat?"

"Uh sure, but just call me Gabe."

"So yeah, we hit the barrier," Sam continued, shooting Dean a nervous look. "I'm pretty sure Dean broke the steering wheel with his chest, smashed his head against the windshield, broke his leg pretty badly, internal injuries, the whole deal. You hit the dashboard, broke some ribs, messed up your shoulder. I had a split second and I kind of ducked. I hit the back of the seat and ended up with some bumps and bruises. I don't know how, but I was able to get the car home and you helped me get Dean in the house, but you were in and out of it. You told me that you couldn't help him, that all you could do was keep him alive." Sam saw the tears in Cas's eyes and didn't know if he should continue. He felt Gabe squeeze his knee under the table and took a deep breath. "So, I freaked out. I tried starting the car, I didn't know what to do. I was getting ready to just haul ass to the gas station and call an ambulance and then everything just kind of went black. I came to, and uh, Gabe was here healing Dean. You were still out of it, and that's when we figured out that you were just exhausted. That you were sleeping. Dean got you showered and changed, Gabe and I cleaned up the mess in the bedroom, and now here we are."

Cas turned from Sam, to watching Dean's back, and then to Gabe. "But you, I mean how?"

"Okay, that's another thing that I need to explain, Cas." Sam interjected. "The book I've been working on isn't Asian, it's Enochian."

"So why didn't you just ask me for help?"

"I don't know. I mean things have been good, with you and Dean, here in the bunker. I guess I didn't want to do anything that might bring up the past. So, that first day that I took the car to get some help on it, I actually went to a church. I thought that maybe a priest or somebody could help me. I mean there isn't any type of ancient linguistics expert in a 50 mile radius that knows anything about it, I figured that I didn't have anything to lose, but I struck out. The priest had no idea, so I ended up at the coffee shop. I was considering just giving up on it, and Gabe showed up. It, uh, it was unexpected. I mean, we've all thought that Lucifer killed him, and there he was sitting across from me. I guess he saw me, heard me ask for help, and after I explained why I hadn't asked you, he offered."

"So all of those times you went to meet with the professor that was helping you, you were actually meeting with him at the coffee shop?" Cas was still confused. 

"Um yeah, but then I got worried that you guys would catch on, and I didn't know how to throw the 'archangel faked his own death' story at you, so he started coming here at night to help me finish."

Dean turned and raised his eyebrows at Sam while he was reaching for plates, he was starting to understand why Gabe had shown up last night, how he knew that they needed his help.

"I want you to know that I wasn't trying to hide from you, Cas. I was just trying to stay hidden in general. I can't do the angel thing anymore. If Sam's right, if any part of you does miss it, miss them, then stop. There's really nothing up there for us, nothing worthwhile. I get why you did it." 

"Yeah, well we can talk about that part later," Dean said, dropping a kiss on the top of Cas's head as he set plates on the table. "Let's eat."

\-------------------------

"Still tired?" Dean asked when Cas pushed his empty plate away and picked up his coffee.

"A little."

"How about we watch a movie and you can fall asleep on me for once while Sam teaches an archangel how to do dishes."

Cas looked into those green eyes and smiled, "if it gets me out of doing dishes."

"Look at it this way, Cas, you don't have to watch those boring westerns that he loves. Now you can sleep through them." 

Gabe just sat back and watched the three of them. It was the odd microcosm that Sam had described, but that he'd never been able to picture. Now he was seeing it and he still had a hard time believing it. "I don't care if you are an archangel who gives one hell of a blow job, you're going to get your ass up and help me," Sam whispered in his ear. 

\-------------------------

Cas was starting to doze off and Dean felt antsy. He wanted to go look at his car, survey the damage. "Hey, I'm going to head outside and check out the car situation. Are you okay just relaxing here?"

"Go do what you need to do. This is our reality now and you can't keep watch over me 24/7."

"I know, I just..."

"Dean, I'm fine. Give me a kiss and hand me that blanket."

"Mmmmm, bossy." Dean grinned, giving Cas a gentle kiss. "Keep the attitude, we'll use it later."

"Go," Cas laughed.

\-------------------------

Dean changed his clothes and went outside. He saw the front end and couldn't figure out how Sam was even able to get her home. There was so much damage that he knew it was going to be close to a full rebuild. He'd rebuilt her once before, after the accident that killed their father, but this time he didn't have the luxury of their uncle Bobby's salvage yard. He was going to have to pull this one off piece by piece. He walked a circle around it before he just stopped and stared. The windshield was shattered on the drivers side, the steering wheel was bent and he could see that the front seat and floorboards were covered in dried blood, his and Cas's blood. He wanted to break down right there, less than 24 hours ago he almost killed them. He opened the door and reached inside to put it in neutral. Even though the bunker was well hidden and off the beaten path, he still didn't think that a trashed car covered in blood on a dirt road was a good idea. He was trying to figure out how he was going to push it into the clearing when he heard the bunker door. he turned around and saw Gabe with a beer in each hand.

"I know that it's barely lunchtime, but I thought maybe you could use this. I didn't see the car last night, but I saw you and I figured that it must be pretty fucked up."

Dean took the bottle from Gabe's outstretched hand and popped off the cap. "Thanks, I appreciate it. Did Sam send you out here?"

"No, I don't think he wanted me to come out here, but since I can pretty much snap my way anywhere I want, he didn't really have a choice. Do you need any help?"

"Well, I want to get her pushed into that clearing over there. By pushed I mean like blood, sweat, and tears pushed, not angel mojo pushed."

"Well, the angel mojo would be a hell of a lot easier, but I'll give you a hand."

They both finished their beer and opened the car doors. Dean guided as much as he could with the broken steering wheel while they pushed with their shoulders against the door frames. The were both sore and sweating when they finally got it into the clearing and Dean threw it back in park and pulled the brake. "Shit, I should have gone with the angel mojo on that one," Dean panted.

"What is the deal with the human/angel thing? I mean not to be nosy, but Sam told me that Cas wanted to remove his grace and you asked him not to."

"Well, in all honesty, besides the fact that my brother shouldn't be talking about my personal life, I just didn't want anything to change. Cas was perfect the way he was and I guess I always thought that if he ever changed his mind about being here, at least he wouldn't be stuck as a human. Maybe he wouldn't go back upstairs, but it would be a hell of a lot easier to be alone down here with his abilities."

"Okay, I can see that, but I get the feeling that he isn't about to go anywhere."

"God, I hope not," Dean said, leaning against the car. "Shit, I should have filled the cooler before I came out here."

"Uh, angel over here. Just one snap and it's full..."

Dean chuckled, "I guess mojo me up some beer."

"I can't use it to push that damn chunk of metal, but it's fine when it comes to beer?"

"Hey, it's beer, it's important. And maybe I wanted to see if you were willing to help me push this beautiful chunk of metal up here," Dean said, pulling the empty cooler out of the back.

Gabe snapped, "ready for another?"

"Almost always."

Gabe handed him another, sat on the cooler, and watched Dean set the bottle on his toolbox and grab a pry bar to start working on getting the hood open. "So why did you want to see if I was willing to push that thing?"

"You are sleeping with my brother, right?"

Gabe looked at the ground. He didn't know what to say, but Sam had told him that eventually Dean would ask. "I would say that it's up to Sam to tell you, but that kind of answers the question."

"Yeah, it does," Dean grunted, pushing on the pry bar until the hood finally popped. "You know, Sam doesn't sleep around. I've always been the man whore. And to the best of my knowledge, he's never actually been with a guy. If you're sleeping with him, it's kind of a big deal. Now I let that Trickster shit go, you tried to help us before you...well, died. But, I'm an overprotective dick, especially when it comes to Sam and Cas. You being here affects them both, so I'm just trying to figure out what your intentions are. I mean obviously there's something there, you knew that Sam needed help and you showed up. I was a little surprised to see you at my breakfast table this morning, but you were able to explain the grace thing to Cas. You saved my life. I'm guessing you wouldn't do all of that just because you had some free time and nothing better to do." 

"No, you're right. I did have my reasons for showing up, but I don't know where that whole thing stands or where it's going. I'm not trying to play him, if that's what you're asking. When I started helping him translate, I didn't think I'd end up...where I eventually ended up."

"And this hasn't become an awkward conversation," Dean said wryly, grabbing some tools and leaning over the engine. "But, I really can't judge considering that I went from cheap hook ups to an angel in my bed every night. You do understand that now that the cat's out of the bag, it does complicate things. I mean Cas knows your alive, but you're living here on the down low. It might be good for him to have somebody other than a Winchester to talk to, somebody who gets the whole angel thing. I don't want to see him get his hopes up just to be let down."

"Well, I've got to be honest with you Dean, I get it."

"Get what?"

"Why he's made the decisions he's made. Why he stayed here and didn't look back."

"I'm just saying if you're going to be a friend to Cas, then all of the other shit needs to be kept separate. I don't have a problem with you or what's going on, surprisingly enough. I don't know what your expectations are. I'm only telling you this so that you won't be disappointed if things don't work out the way that you were hoping. Winchester men are once in a lifetime guys. We have one, and only one. You know about our parents, and I'm guessing that you know about Sam and Jess. He's already been there. He lost it too soon and it kills me, I'd do anything to change that for him, but that's the hand he was dealt."

"When did you know that Cas was your one?"

"The night that I watched him start to walk away again, and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I'm broken, everyone knows it, and I can't be fixed. But, he's done one hell of a patch job." 

\-------------------------

Sam was sitting at the table, just staring at his laptop. He tried to work, but he knew that Gabe was outside talking to Dean. Dean and Gabe both had strong personalities and were more alike than they realized. Sam was starting to see things, coming to realizations that he never expected. He didn't want this turning into a situation where everybody found it necessary to pull everybody else aside and work things out. Dean hated that drama, Cas was trying to deal with his own shit, and things between him and Gabe needed to stay between him and Gabe. Unfortunately, he knew that Dean had probably already asked the million dollar question and that he would have something to say about it. 

"Are you still working on the Enochian?"

Sam almost jumped, he didn't hear Cas come up behind him. "I thought you were asleep."

Cas sat down at the table across from Sam. "I was. I woke up a little while ago and I'm sick of watching TV, so I thought I'd see if you needed any help."

"Uh no, I think I'm good, but thanks."

"You could have asked me, Sam. I don't regret my decision to stay here, and to be honest I don't miss it up there. Gabe is right, there's nothing there for me anymore. I'm going to ask him to remove my grace entirely."

"Are you sure? I mean Dean..."

"It's not up to Dean. I know we talked and argued in the beginning, but he knows that it's my choice and I don't want to be infinite."

"So you don't think that you could stay infinite, stay an angel, but still make things work between you?"

"I know that we could make it work between us if I decided to keep my grace. We have so far, and I don't know that either one of us can picture our lives without the other. It's a personal choice, I just don't need it anymore. It's not that simple for an archangel."

"Um...that's not why I asked...I mean...I...."

"Sam, I'm not going to pretend to know exactly what's going on. Honestly, it's none of my business and it's none of Dean's business. I know he'd disagree with me on that, but it's true. I know Gabriel. He's known for being selfish, he doesn't do charitable things unless he has a good reason to. It's not a complicated puzzle to put together. Maybe Dean and I set a precedent, but that doesn't mean that we're necessarily unique. I know that you get lonely. I hate it, Dean hates it. It just looks like once again, an angel who isn't supposed to have feelings obviously does, and it doesn't seem one sided. I've known you for a long time, Sam, and you have this way of turning inward and shutting everything out, Gabe and his warped sense of humor can bring you out of that. Gabe, well he's just arrogant at times, but you've dealt with Dean long enough that you know how to put him in his place. You make sense. But, I've heard you talk about how Winchester men are once in a lifetime guys. You find your 'one' and that's it. Your father started hunting because he lost his one, you came back to the life because of what you lost. Maybe I'm being presumptuous..."

"I don't know if you are, Cas. I'm confused. He's outside right now talking to Dean and I feel like my prom date is talking to my dad. I've just never had anybody listen to me like he does, and I don't know what to do with that."

"My advice is don't compare yourselves to Dean and I, and don't compare Gabe to Jessica"

"Yeah, I know. I just have some thinking to do."

"Not really, you just have some living to do. You need to let yourself remember what it feels like to care about somebody. I'm going to go outside and save Gabe from Dean's wrath."

Sam smiled when Cas stood up, "Thanks Cas."

"You're like a brother to me, Sam. There's no need for thanks."

\-------------------------

Cas could see Dean leaning over the engine, Gabe was sitting on the cooler and they were talking. He couldn't hear what they were saying, but the tone sounded civil. "So, how bad is the damage."

"Cas, I'd rather you not see this," Dean called.

Cas walked over to the car anyway and looked inside, he could see the dried blood everywhere. "That's just from Dean and I?"

"Mostly Dean," Gabe answered.

"He was hurt that badly?"

"It was pretty bad. An ambulance probably couldn't have gotten here in time. But you don't need to think about that. Now it's a matter of getting the car fixed."

"And cleaned," Cas mumbled, still looking at the inside. Dean walked up behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist. "Crazy 24 hours," Cas said quietly.

"Yeah, now I've just got to get her up and running. It's a hell of a hike into town."

"If my snapping doesn't bother you, I'd be happy to go get whatever you need."

"I'm starving," Cas looked back at Dean.

"Pizza?"

"Pizza."

"Why don't you take Sam with you? He knows what we like," Dean said with a slight nod. "I appreciate the help with the car." He shook Gabe's hand with a strong grip and watched him walk away before he turned Cas in his arms and pulled him close, whispering all of the things that he planned to do to him when they were finally alone in their room.

\-------------------------

They found a stupid movie and ate in the den. Sam was on the far end of the couch, but Cas caught his eye and gave him a small nod. He knew that he did need to just live and remember. Gabe was on the floor leaning back against the couch, and Sam moved to sit behind him. They were close, but not touching. They all talked about their long history. Battles that they'd fought, some that they'd won and some that they hadn't. They talked about the friends and family that they had lost, and didn't hesitate to raise their bottles of beer in remembrance of the ones who didn't deserve it. They teased and joked, feeling comfortable with one another. Sam and Cas looked for any signs of tension between Dean and Gabe, but didn't see anything. Gabe accepted that it was Dean's home and he was a guest. 

\-------------------------

"Well, it's been one hell of a day and I'm beat so I think I'm going to turn in. Cas?"

"Right behind you," Cas yawned.

"Now that is going to take some getting used to," Dean grinned at him. "Okay kids, behave yourselves."

Sam and Gabe just nodded in their general direction as they left the room. "Well, they'll be hitting the shower in a little while," Gabe laughed.

"Yes they will."

\--------------------------

"I don't know what it is," Dean murmured against Cas's mouth, "but knowing that I almost died last night is a serious turn on." Cas slid his hand between them, trailing his fingers along the waistband of Dean's pants, moving his hand down to cup him, running his thumb along the zipper. "Oh god, and so is that," Dean whispered. They pulled, pushed, and unzipped until their clothes lay on the floor in a pile and Dean pressed Cas against the mattress, running his full lips along his jaw and down his neck. "I need to be inside of you," he quietly moaned in Cas's ear, rolling onto his back and shoving the pillows behind him as he sat up. He reached to turn on the lamp and fumble in the drawer of the nightstand, "and I need to see you." Cas's thighs tensed against his hips, straddling him. Cas leaned back and Dean just stared, running his hands across the hard stomach, disturbing the fine sheen of sweat already forming on his body. His palms slid across sensitive nipples, eliciting a low moan before he pressed his hand against the back of Cas's head, pulling him into a deep kiss. Their bodies slid together, hips already rocking with their hard cocks trapped between them, throbbing with need. Cas heard the click of the bottle opening and gripped Dean's shoulders, closing his eyes, waiting to feel the first finger slip in and out. The second finger always found the spot, the spot that made the pain worthwhile. He rhythmically moved his body against them, gasping with he felt the third, stretching him, readying him. He pulled himself to his knees, away from Dean's fingers and lined up to slide down his cock slowly, leaning back so that Dean could watch. Dean groaned, digging his fingers into the soft skin of Cas's thighs while he watched him take every inch. They kissed deeply, Dean's hand kneading Cas's lower back, the other sliding up to grasp his shoulder. Cas's mouth was heated, trailing across the sensitive skin on Dean's neck, nipping and sucking while he gripped Dean's upper arms. He angled his body and started to slowly move up and down, finding the perfect balance that made him so needy, so desperate. Their breaths were already heavy, Cas's cock twitched and he leaned his body closer, holding it between them, sliding his hands across Deans shoulders. Dean didn't need to touch him, he knew that he was going to come quickly. He slid up and down against Dean's body, faster and harder, starting to whimper as he felt himself begin to throb. Dean could feel the build start and his hands tightened, encouraging Cas to fuck him hard. Dean opened his eyes long enough to lock gazes and see the lust blown pupils before he exploded and cried out when he came inside of Cas, feeling Cas come against his stomach, hearing his name echo off of the concrete walls. The euphoria rolled in waves and engulfed them while they still moved slowly against one another, finally stopping when they couldn't take any more. Dean pulled Cas's sweaty body against his, dropping soft kisses on his neck and shoulder before leaning his head back to catch his breath. He felt Cas's gentle lips moving across his throat and bent his head for a long and lingering kiss. "You are amazing," he whispered, losing himself in those blue eyes that saw things in him, things that made him believe in himself. His fingers trailed down the smooth skin along Cas's spine, causing a visible shiver. He never knew that sex could be rough and hungry, but tender and passionate. He tried to be a generous lover, he tried to let Cas know how he felt. They could each feel the other's body relaxing into exhaustion and silently moved away from one another and off of the bed to wrap themselves in bathrobes. With one final long and gentle kiss they opened the door and intertwined their fingers while they walked down the hallway to the shower.

\-------------------------

"Uh, no reflection on their sexual prowess, but they're hitting the shower pretty early," Gabe smirked.

Sam just looked at the sideways grin and chuckled quietly, "brush with death, crazy day, intensity carries over. Not that I want to think about it."

"Do they realize how loud they are?"

"I'm pretty sure that they don't care."

They were still on the couch, Sam trying to relax his 6'4" frame against the cushions while his head laid in Gabe's lap. He was almost transfixed by the feathery feeling of Gabe's fingers touching his face and his neck. "How are you holding up, big guy?"

"I'm fine, they're the ones who were hurt. I just had bumps and bruises."

"Yeah, but they don't remember it. They didn't see it. You did. That's a lot worse than a few bumps and bruises." Gabe loved how Sam's eyes seemed to change color depending on his moods.

"Honestly, it was pretty traumatic, I thought that I was going to watch my brother die, and I can't believe that I even have to say this, but I thought that I was going to watch him die again. All of the blood, it was like reliving the hell hounds. But he's fine, they're fine, and that's because of you."

"I couldn't let anything happen to them, Sam. I was the only one who could save them and I knew it. I'm guessing that Cas feels some guilt about losing his ability to heal, and Dean probably feels like he is somehow indebted to me. It wasn't about that. It was about you, and what you needed. But I also wanted to see if your quiet world, this bunker, is how you described it. I mean, I never expected to eat a meal cooked by Dean Winchester in pajama pants and a t-shirt. I never expected him to watch him seek comfort in Cas's arms. Everything here, it's real. It's more honest that most of what I see upstairs. I know that I'm a dick and an asshole and a smart ass, so you're going to have to bear with me while I get all romanticized, but I see it. None of that other bullshit, hell and the battles, the demons and monsters...that shit only belongs in your books down here. This place is about pizza and beer, bad movies and good sex. Now that I think about it, it's a hell of a lot better than upstairs. The pizza up there is terrible."

Sam grinned and pulled him down for a kiss. "I was surprised when you told me that Dean shook your hand and suggested that I go with you to get dinner. When he opened up and laughed and joked. I don't know, it's weird to share that side of him."

"Weird in a bad way?"

"Not at all. His reputation proceeds him, and he spent a lifetime earning that, but there is a lot more to him."

"There is a lot more to all of you. I hate to tell you this, but you've always had the reputation of being uptight. The brains behind the brawn, Mr. Serious. The laughter, bad jokes, making fun of each other, that's not the Sam Winchester that I ever would have expected. I become more fascinated every day. Man, this romanticized shit needs to stop because I don't know where I'm going with it and being an asshole would be a lot easier right now.'

"Well, I'll tell you what a wise man once told me. Instead of thinking about what you need to do, just stop and see that you have some living to do."

"Old proverb?"

"If it were, wouldn't you know that? Actually more like borderline ex angel telling me to stop overthinking everything and just live, let myself remember the Sam Winchester who wasn't uptight and serious all of the time."

"I may be mentioned in that book, but I didn't memorize it. Sounds like this borderline ex angel may be one to something."

"Yeah, something I'm not used to."

Gabe bent down and kissed him gently, "you look wiped out so I guess now is the moment where I ask..."

"If I want you to stay?"

"Do you?"

"If I said that I just want you here, but I'm too tired to fool around..."

"All you have to say is that you want me here. I don't know what this is, Sam, but I agree with that new proverb. Live and let yourself remember."

"Let's go to bed."

Gabe followed him down the hallway into his room where they stripped to boxers and crawled under the blanket, Sam reaching to turn off the lamp. They wrapped their arms around each other and after a few soft kisses, Sam fell asleep and Gabe laid perfectly still, listening to his even breathing and nonsensical mumbling. If angels weren't supposed to feel, then how in the hell did it happen to two of them, and how in the hell did it happen with the Winchesters? He smiled at Sam's mutterings and leaned forward to press his lips to Sam's forehead.

\-------------------------

"Dean?"

"Hhhmmmm baby?"

"I've been thinking about it, I want to have the rest of my grace removed." Cas was expecting Dean to tense up or roll away, but instead he pulled him closer.

"I know that we've been down this road in the past but it was almost always against your will, and it was always temporary. I just don't want you to do something that you might regret."

"How can I regret becoming human? I won't be infinite anymore. Maybe it sounds morbid, but I want an actual lifespan. I want to grow old, I want to see you be the grumpy old man who would yell at the kids to stay off of his lawn if he had one. I want us to be equals in every way."

"I just want you to be happy, Cas," Dean said quietly. "I argued with you in the beginning because I was too afraid to believe that you were going to stay, and I couldn't let you go out into the world as a human. I didn't know if you'd try to go back upstairs or roam this fucking mess of a planet, but I wanted you to have your abilities so that you'd have a fighting chance."

"And now?"

"Now I'm not about to let you go anywhere. You're everything to me, I hope you know that."

"I do, and I feel the same way about you," Cas said quietly, pressing his body closer to Dean's. "I think that I'm going to ask Gabe to do it for me."

"So I'm guessing that we're all on the same page with that one?"

"What do you mean?"

Dean pressed his lips against the back of Cas's neck, taking in the scent of the soap and shampoo that he'd just used to run his hands over Cas's body. "That he'll be here in the morning, and not just because I make the best scrambled eggs in the state of Kansas."

"You know, it's really none of our business."

"No, it is my business. But, as much as I don't want to like the guy, I actually kind of do. Just don't ever tell him that. I'm still the alpha."

"Who bottomed," Cas laughed.

"Yeah, let's not tell him that either."

Cas turned his head for a long good night kiss before he settled into Dean's arms and for the first time, fell asleep in their bed without fear. Dean stayed awake and listened to him breathe. He didn't care if Cas was and angel, a demon, or a human, just as long as Cas was his. He pulled him closer, buried his face in his neck, and drifted off.

\-------------------------

"Are you sure? I mean it's not exactly a huge step considering that you haven't been using it, but it changes who you are."

"No it doesn't. I've lived as a human for a long time, I want to age as a human."

Gabe turned and looked at Dean. Dean set his coffee cup down, "It's his decision, his body, I just borrow it from time to time," he grinned.

"So you want me to do it right now?"

"I don't really care, I'm just saying that I want you to remove my grace, and I don't want it kept in a 'just in case' jar. I want it gone."

"Okay, uh hand me a sharp knife and we can take care of it."

Dean tensed when he watched Sam hand a knife to Gabe and saw Cas tilt his head, ready to feel the cut. He had to keep himself in check. Gabe barely had to nick the skin on Cas's neck and a small tendril of blue light left his body and dissipated quickly. "So that's it? No pain no drama?"

"You've gotten too used to the ugly way that we do things, Dean. That's it. It's done and I'm human so you're pretty much stuck with me."

"I guess I'll have to suck it up and learn how to deal with you drooling on my chest while you sleep," he grinned. He'd woken up before Cas and just watched him. He was starting to understand why Cas had spent all of those nights, awake, in cheap motels rooms with him and Sam after they'd been through bloody fights and ugly battles. The calm, the peaceful looks, the realization that they had survived another day in their dark world, it somehow made it easier to put one foot in front of the other when the sun finally came up. He slid his chair to where Cas was sitting and reached out to cup his face, pulling him in for a gentle kiss before tenderly pressing his lips against the small mark on his neck. 

\-------------------------

Dean stood in the clearing, just staring at his baby. He couldn't believe how ugly it was, and he didn't know what to do, where to start.

"So, what's the damage?"

He turned and looked at Sam before letting out a deep sigh, "Well, we can start with an entire new front grill, hood, the radiator is fucked, a steering column, possibly transmission issues, and those are just the big things. I think I can hammer out the dent in the left fender, but at some point I'm going to have to repaint. Then there's the windshield and fucking murder scene mess in the front interior. I have no idea how I am going to pull this off. It's not like we're at Bobby's and I can just have him make a few calls for parts."

"Well, make a list of what you need. We can get online or start making phone calls, see what we can find in the area. Some of those places might be willing to deliver the shit for a few extra bucks."

"Yeah, which means I've got to start hustling some serious pool."

"Or you can let me show you the finer points of online gambling. It's like the Dean Winchester version of working from home."

"Sign me up, I've got to get this shit started before I lose my fucking mind."

\-------------------------

Dean was getting used to seeing Gabe at the bunker, he didn't think that he'd left since the night of the accident. What he'd said to Cas was true, as much as he wanted to dislike the guy, he couldn't. He saw the attachments forming and he couldn't help but wonder what his constant presence was doing to Sam and Cas. Maybe he was putting his own abandonment issues on them, but he wondered what would happen if they all woke up one day and Gabe was gone. Cas had found a brother, somebody who understood where he came from and what he'd been through. He didn't know what Sam had found. He and Cas had argued about it more than once before he finally relented and said that he'd stay out of it, it was between Sam and Gabe. He could still see Sam's sideways glances and hear his subtle sighs, he knew that Sam was just waiting for some type of confrontation, but Dean had to let Sam live his life. 

\-------------------------

"Hey, Sam asked me to tell you that the guy will be dropping off the new hood in about 45 minutes."

Dean turned and looked at Gabe, "The what?"

"He said something about a guy dropping off a new hood."

"I haven't even found a hood," Dean said, pointing at the computer screen in front of him. "So far all I have is a radiator and some hosing."

"Hey, I'm just the messenger. Let me know if you need any help."

Dean watched Gabe walk away and turned back to his computer. Finding parts for a '67 Chevy Impala was not as easy as he had hoped. They'd found a few things at salvage yards in the area, he'd been able to pick up most of the small things at the auto parts store, but a hood and grill were almost impossible. He shut his computer and went to change into work clothes. 

After dropping a kiss on the top of Cas's head while he laid on the couch reading a book, Dean climbed up the stair and pushed open the heavy door. He rounded the corner outside of the bunker to the clearing and stopped in his tracks when he saw what looked like a small salvage yard laid out next to his car. He had almost everything that he needed to get his baby up and running, he just had to dig in and get to work. He felt the presence behind him and turned to find Gabe standing with his arms crossed.

"Okay, before you say anything, none of it is stolen. Well, not really."

"Uh, then where in the hell did it come from?"

"I saw the list you gave Sam. Let's just say that I did a little search and rescue mission. Nobody is out anything, I either replaced what I took or put cash in the register."

"It's not the stealing part that would bother me. Hell, I've lived off of stolen credit cars and hustled pool most of my life. I'm just not really down with the 'now I owe you one' thing. I get that you and my brother are, well you know, but it feels kind of dirty to let you do this."

"This has nothing to do with Sam, well not entirely. You don't even need to try and do the math to figure out how long it would have taken you to get all of this by yourself. I don't doubt that you would have, but why not let me help? I'm surrounded by humans now, and a running car is kind of a big deal to you guys. Seriously makes me appreciate the whole snapping teleport thing that I have going on. And, this helps me to not feel like such an asshole about the whole Trickster thing."

"You really feel like an asshole about that?"

"No, not really. I just thought I'd add that in to try and sell it. I'm not going to go back to every fucking salvage yard to return any of it, so you might as well do your manly man thing and start tearing shit apart and replacing it."

"You saved my life, you did this, I'm not trying to be hostile here or anything, but what is your end game?"

"That's the thing, Dean, I don't have an end game. I'll be the first to tell you that angels are assholes, especially archangels, but we do have our moments. You wouldn't have ended up with Castiel staying here and giving up his grace if we didn't."

"That's a choice that he made."

"You're right. It is, and I understand why. Call this a moment of weakness on my part."

Dean held his hand out and again gripped Gabe's as they shook. "Well, as much as I hate to admit it, it's an appreciated moment of weakness. Thanks, man."

"No problem, just don't expect me to help you fix any of this shit," Gabe grinned. Dean smiled back and watched Gabe walk towards the bunker door. He grabbed his tools and started working on getting the front grill taken off. 

\-------------------------

"You what? You can't do that type of shit. Dean has this over inflated sense of, I don't know, pride I guess. He already feels like he owes you for being here after the accident, this just adds to that. He's a stubborn asshole."

"Yeah, but so am I. Would I help if I told you that I talked to him?"

Sam groaned inwardly, "Does it ever help when you tell me that you talked to him?"

"Why are you waiting for the worst case scenario here? I've been here for what, weeks now? Nothing has happened between he and I. We're both dicks, you can't dispute that, but we aren't butting heads. This is his home, you are his brother, Cas is his lover, and I know all of that. I know that he sees me as a long term guest and he's treated me with nothing but respect. I can't believe that I'm actually defending Dean Winchester, but give your brother a break. His reputation, who he is, makes more sense to me now. I'm an archangel but I have never seen somebody who is as overprotective as him. Almost everything that he does is for you and Cas. You and I, we don't talk about us, we always say that we don't need to talk about us, but for some reason he is making room for me here and I'm going to let him. I actually like the guy, this 'at home' version. You don't need to slap a warning label on him and freak out every time he and I talk, Sam."

"You're right, I guess I don't give him enough credit. I'm just used to..."

"His anger? His violence? It's still there under the surface, I see him keep it in check. But that's the thing, he works to keep it in check. I haven't seen him pick up a weapon or ask for a hunt since I got here. Maybe he's ready to be that guy...your brother, Cas's lover, a guy who cooks breakfast and eats burgers with beer for dinner, a guy with a decent of humor. You two have earned this shit. So I dumped a pile of auto parts next to his precious car, that doesn't mean that he owes me a damn thing."

Sam reached out and pulled Gabe into his arms, some days he was fine and some days he was so confused he almost couldn't think straight. He'd thought about talking to Cas again, he seemed to have a lot of insight, but he didn't know how to approach it. This guy in his arms, this wasn't the Trickster or the asshole archangel Gabriel, it was Gabe, a guy who probably felt the need to be accepted and understood as much as they all did. They were somehow a group of misfits that fit. 

\-------------------------

"How much work did you get done?"

"I got the front grill and most of the cooling system taken apart..."

Cas climbed over to where Dean was sitting on the couch watching TV and straddled him, running his hands under Dean's thin t-shirt and nipping at his earlobe. "Keep talking," he whispered. "Mmmmm, so the manly grease monkey shit turns you on now?" Dean moaned, "I got the hood hinges loosened," he said quietly, leaning his head back when he felt Cas's lips move down his neck. He reached out and squeezed his ass, pulling their bodies closer. "I checked to make sure that the frame isn't bent so that I can hammer out the dent in the fender," he wrapped his hand around the back of Cas's head, leaning in to press their lips together. Cas parted his slightly to deepen the kiss, to slide their tongues together. They were grinding their hips, Dean squeezing his ass while Cas ran his fingers over Dean's nipples, pinching and gently rolling them between his fingers. "God it hurts when you get me this hard while I'm wearing jeans," Dean murmured. Cas reached between them and adjusted Dean before he starting running his hand against him, squeezing gently. "Okay, but that almost makes it worth the pain," Dean moaned. Cas kissed him hungrily and wondered how long they could last before they ended up in bed.

Then they heard the glass break...

\-------------------------

Gabe didn't snap his fingers when he was inside of the bunker anymore, he'd started to grow accustomed to their human ways and it made him feel like an outsider to use his abilities for the simple things. He was moving around in the kitchen before he grabbed what he needed and headed down the hallway. Even though they'd been sharing the room for close to a month, he still knocked before he opened Sam's door. His hands were full, so he gently kicked the door that hadn't closed all of the way and it started to swing open.

"Now, try to control your excitement. I don't want to knock your sock off, yet, but I thought we could either do beer and a movie, or I could help you work on your research. I know you must have a couple more of those boring ass Enochian books laying around. I came prepared for either one."

The door opened all of the way and he stopped when he saw Sam sitting cross legged on his bed, tear tracks still visible on his cheeks, pictures laid out in front of him. His mother with him and Dean when he was just a baby, him and Dean sitting on the hood of the Impala when they were kids, some random party pictures from Stanford, and in his hand was a picture of him and Jess. He was holding her close and bending down to kiss her while she laughed. She really was a gorgeous girl, the definition of California beauty. Sam had described her as smart and sweet as well. She was the kind of girl that every man dreamed of, but few actually found.

"Um, never mind. I'll...uh...I'll just leave you alone to do...I'm going to go.." Gabe mumbled, turning his back to Sam and walking towards the kitchen.

"Gabe!" Sam called, following him. "It's not like that, let me explain."

"No Sam," Gabe said calmly, walking into the kitchen. "There's nothing to explain." He dropped the bottles and coffee cups that he'd been holding in the sink, barely noticing the sound of ceramic and glass breaking, before he slid his body past Sam and out into the main room.

"Gabe," Sam followed him and finally reached out to grab his arm and turn him around. "Just listen."

"Sam, you don't need to explain yourself."

"The pictures, I was putting them away, I was saying goodbye to a guy who pretended to be something that he wasn't."

Gabe gently pulled his arm out of Sam's grasp, "I'm just going to go."

"Go as in outside for a walk? Or go as in let that metal door slam behind you and snap yourself out of here?"

Sam, Gabe, and Cas all stared at Dean from where he stood in the doorway.

\-------------------------

"Dean, don't do this," Cas whispered, reaching down to intertwine their fingers. 

"Dean, seriously just stay out of this," Sam said, begging with his eyes.

Gabe just met Dean's stare and didn't say anything.

"I'm not here to start a fight, I'm not going to do anything. I just have a few things to say. Hear me out and if you still want to leave, I'll walk you to the fucking door myself, and shake your hand before you go. I don't know what just happened, but from what I heard I'm guessing that you walked in on Sam taking a walk down memory lane and now you wonder where in the hell you stand. I get it, trust me." Dean shook loose from Cas's hand and stepped towards Gabe. Everybody had been waiting for this moment, while hoping that it wouldn't happen. Dean's brotherly instincts had finally kicked in. "Now the saving my life, helping Cas with his grace, digging through salvage yards for parts, I appreciate all of those things. But, It's pretty easy to write those off as ways to impress my brother. Saving my life, I have no doubt that you really didn't care if I lived or died, you just didn't want Sam to go through it again. I'm not trying to be a dick, but it's not like we were friends and my existence really mattered to you that night. Cas's grace? We could have done that ourselves. The car parts? Sure, it would have taken a lot of time and money, but we would have pulled it off. Sam's not stupid enough to fall for that shit. In fact, Sam's not stupid enough for fall for any of this shit. Wait, let me back up, and feel free to stop me if I'm wrong, I'm pretty sure that you haven't been wandering around undercover, harboring some type of crush on my brother for years. You aren't that subtle, Gabe. The whole angel/human thing, it's a pain in the ass. It sucks, trust me. I spent years watching your family toy with Cas, lying to him, using him, and I sat down here and just waited because I knew that he'd be back, and he'd need me. I was right every single time, but despite my reputation, I never once tried to touch him. Hell, when he did decide to stay I still didn't touch him until I knew that he needed me to, and we all know I'm not a patient man. It took watching him walk away, for what I knew would be the last time, before I finally opened my eyes and saw that I was going to let the only thing that could make me truly happy, the only thing that ever made me feel like I was worth a shit, disappear. I stopped fighting that night. All I asked him to do was to tell me goodbye like he meant it, to make me believe it. I haven't slept alone since. So there's my take, my experience with the whole angel/human thing. It was worth every damn minute and every single tear that was shed. I don't think you started this with any intention of ending up here, it just happened. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing."

"Dean..."

"Sam, just let him talk. I need to hear what he has to say," Gabe said thickly.

"So, then there's my brother. He came outside a few days before the accident while I was working on my car. He wanted to apologize. Sam and I, we have our issues, our guilt, a whole hell of a lot of 'what ifs'. We've argued, fought, made up, apologized, it's kind of how we've always worked. It started out as a typical Sam apology. He left, put me in his rearview mirror, stuck me with the old man. Same shit that I've heard for years. But this time he added a new chapter. He told me why he did it. He told me about lying to his friends, lying to Jess about who he was and where he came from. How he never wanted any of them to know that I even existed because I was an embarrassment. I'm a scumbag hunter, and who wants to admit that they were raised by scumbag hunters when they have a chance to be something more? But those kids, they knew and liked, even loved, a guy who didn't really exist. They saw what he wanted them to see. They didn't know the first thing about Sam Winchester, he was just Stanford Sam. Hell, I told him that he should have taken it and ran. Changed his fucking identity and leave all of this sorry ugly shit behind him because he deserves more. But he said one thing that stuck with me. He asked me how was he supposed to tell his children that there aren't monsters under their bed when he knows that there really are. Our father decided when Sam was only six months old who Sam and Dean Winchester were going to be. I expected to die young and bloody, I never expected to find a roof over my head and somebody who means everything to me. Hunters don't get their 'one'. Stanford Sam, yeah, he found his 'one'. But, as much as I hate to admit it, that guy wasn't real. That wasn't Sam Winchester, it was some punk college kid living a lie. The 'one' that is real, the 'one' who sticks around even when you don't deserve it, they know how broken you are. They see the baggage that you carry around and they watch you leave it sitting next to your bed at night, just so you can pick it up again in the morning, because it never really goes away. They hear the horror stories, or they stand by your side while the shit goes down, and they stay to help you pick up the pieces. They get that you are damaged goods, but it doesn't matter because the damage is just part of who you are. They don't try to change you, they don't put you in a position to lie about who you really are. They see the scars, the pain, the guilt, the fear, the anger, and they don't back away from you because of it. I don't know how and I don't know why I got so lucky, but those blue eyes over there...all I have to do is look at them and this scumbag hunter sees that maybe there's more to him." Dean turned and looked at Cas, he could see the tears in the corners of his eyes and he winked. "Now I know my brother better than anyone, but I'm not going to pretend to know exactly how he's feeling or what he is thinking. I've stayed out of it until now, I've just left you two alone to find your own way. I'll keep doing that. I just want you to understand that an 18 year old college boy named Sam found love, and I know how much he loved that girl, she was everything to him. But I don't even know that 18 year old college boy. I know Sam Winchester, and as far as I can tell he hasn't found it. If I'm wrong, then Sam can tell me that and like I said, I'll walk you to the door. But, I think that maybe you two need to talk first." Dean looked at his brother and saw the almost imperceptible nod and beginnings of a grateful smile. "Okay, so I just said more in the last ten minutes than I have probably said all day, but I have one more thing." Dean walked to Cas and reached into his pocket. "I'm a fucking hypocrite to stand here and say all of this shit when I can't even find a way to tell you how I feel."

"Dean, I don't need..."

"I know that you don't. This is something that I need to do. I mean, we go out somewhere and we gets the looks from women, we're two good looking guys hanging out. I hold your hand or kiss you, and I see the disappointment on their faces when we become the good looking gay couple. But our history, how we got here, to me that makes us a hell of a lot more than just a good looking gay couple. I can call you my lover or my boyfriend, but how do I make people see that you're my everything? I've had these stashed away in a box for months. Sometimes I take them out and put them in my pocket, times when I know that you deserve to hear it from me and times when I need the world to know that you are my everything. Maybe you don't need this, but it's my promise that I'm never going to give up on you, I am never again going to lose you, I would die for you, and if this somehow proves that, then this is something that I need. I need you to have this." Cas looked down at the two platinum rings in Dean's hand. "We can't do it legally, you technically don't exist and I'm pretty sure that I'm still wanted in a few states. So, the closest I can come to making sure that you know every second of every day that I love you, is to put this on you so that you can feel it. Those three words, they're on the inside inscribed in my handwriting because I don't ever want you to doubt it. God, I love you Cas..." Dean felt the tears coursing down his cheeks as he took Cas's hand, and with shaky fingers slid a ring on it. Cas took the other and slid it onto Dean's finger. "I love you, baby," Dean whispered, reaching up to hold Cas's face in his hands.

"I love you too," Cas murmured against Dean's lips, wrapping his arms around him and kissing him deeply. "Does this make me a Winchester?" he grinned.

"You don't want to be a Winchester, trust me. But, I'd be more than happy to finally give you a last name." Dean wrapped his arms around Cas buried his face in his neck, letting the silent tears come, holding him like he would never let go. He finally pulled away and let Cas look at the inscription. Then he handed Cas his own and Cas saw two simple words inscribed in Dean's handwriting. "He Knows"

\-------------------------

"Beer and a movie? Coffee and research? Or do you still want my brother to walk you up the stairs?" Sam asked quietly.

Cas and Dean turned, they were all watching Gabe.

"If even half of what he just said is true, and you want me to stay, I'm not walking up those stairs."

"Beer and a movie," Sam smiled, pulling Gabe into his arms and pressing his lips against the top of his head, watching Dean from across the room. Dean just nodded and winked before he followed Cas down the hallway to their room.

\-------------------------

"Does this make us an old married couple?" Cas grinned as they climbed into bed.

"Oh hell no!"

Cas looked confused when he turned his head.

"Old married couples don't have sex. Now I want you to crawl over here and we can start talking about all of the work that I did on my car today..."

\-------------------------

SAM:

Getting comfortable enough to sleep in a regular bed at his height was hard enough, learning to share it every night was even harder. But, it had been weeks since he'd nailed Gabe with an elbow or fist when he stretched, so they were making some progress. Gabe had offered to go elsewhere at night, give Sam his space, but they both knew that Sam couldn't fall asleep without him anymore and the offer was empty. Gabe wasn't going anywhere. He pulled Gabe to him and smiled when he felt the lips press against his forehead and down his cheeks until finally finding his own, parting them for a deep morning kiss. "Good morning big guy," Gabe whispered, nibbling on Sam's ear and down his neck. He let out a deep sigh, but didn't open his eyes when he felt Gabe's mouth move down his body. His breath caught when he felt the sucking and soft bite on a sensitive nipple, and Gabe's hand wrap around his cock. He was stroking slowly, kissing and gently biting Sam's toned stomach, his hips, finally sliding his tongue up the silky skin of his shaft. Sam let himself relax against the mattress and clear his mind of everything except the swirling of Gabe's tongue around the head, the slow way he pulled it into his mouth to softly suck, before swirling his tongue again. Sam moaned softly when Gabe took as much of him as he could and slid his head up and down slowly, moving his tongue, still stroking. He found the right rhythm and Sam started throbbing and rocking his hips. "Okay...I'm going to..." Sam groaned when Gabe took his cock down his throat and swallowed the sticky come. He licked and sucked until Sam shivered, then crawled his way back up the bed, their bed. "I love it when your first words are 'okay...I'm going to..." Gabe grinned. "Yeah, me too," Sam said lazily, turning his head, waiting for the kiss. "What time is it?" Sam yawned. "Early enough to beat them to the showers." They slid out of bed and grabbed robes and clothes.

They opened the bedroom door and could hear Cas and Dean. "Do you think we're that loud?" Gabe asked, grinning at Sam.

"Do you care?"

"Not in the least. I was just making conversation."

"As long as you don't use the words 'banging my little brother'..."

"Do you think that Dean ever says that?"

"I don't want to know, pervert. Let's go shower," Sam smiled.

\-------------------------

"So, what are the plans for the day?"

"Well, now that Dean has the car fixed, we actually have options." Dean had made them celebrate the night before when he finally picked up the car after getting the new windshield and a paint job. It had taken the four of them days to clean up the dried blood the old fashioned way, but they'd finally been able to do it. Gabe still used his abilities, but not like he had in the beginning. He wasn't going to let his grace die, but there was something to be said for this whole 'human' thing. "I know how much you love helping me work on my research," Sam grinned, "but we can put that on the back burner."

"What?" Gabe asked innocently, "I actually do like helping. And you're kind of sexy when you get all serious and studious." They'd finished the Enochian, but Gabe would still come to the table and help Sam with his work. He didn't do it to impress Sam, he didn't have to impress Sam anymore, he just liked sitting across from him staring at his own laptop while they talked, and sometimes argued, about how the database should be set up.

Sam got the coffee going, waiting impatiently for it to finish brewing. The four of them had been up late last night, drinking beer, eating burgers, and watching bad movies. He finally poured a mug for himself and another for Gabe, sliding it across the table at him. "Should we get adventurous and make breakfast?"

"Hey, I don't exactly want to step on your brother's toes."

"I think Dean would be okay with it," Sam leaned over to give Gabe a kiss. It had been weeks since the night that Dean had put them in their place and 'married' Cas. Gabe had followed him back to his room that night, helped him put the pictures away, and listened while Sam explained what Dean got right and what Dean got wrong. They hadn't shared any declarations of love or plans for the future, but they knew that couldn't picture one without the other in it. It would take time, but Gabe was patient with him, listened to him, and he had no doubt that they would get there. Sam had never trusted anybody the way that he trusted Gabe.

"There goes the shower. Do you think they'll get any hot water?"

Sam shrugged, "it's been long enough, so probably. Now grab the eggs and shit out of the refrigerator."

"You are really going to do this?"

"No, we are really going to do this. C'mon archangel, get a move on."

\-------------------------

GABE:

He could stare at Sam's body for hours, listen to him mumble in his sleep, watch him move around and steal the covers. 

He felt Sam smile when he kissed him on the forehead. He knew that he needed to taste him, to hear the soft moans as he moved down his body. He finally heard Sam's first words of the day and slid his head forward, watching Sam's body start to tremble when he came. He climbed back up the bed and waited for Sam to turn his head and open his eyes. They were a combination of tired and glossy, but always beautiful. He leaned forward to kiss him and asked himself how he ended up here, how he got so lucky, and what in the hell was it about the Winchesters that could turn an angel's life upside down. He pulled on his bathrobe and followed Sam down the hall, knowing that in a matter of minutes Sam would be returning the favor with his hand between their bodies as they stood under the warm water. 

Satisfied and clean they threw their robes into the bedroom and made their way to the kitchen, Sam rolling his eyes when they walked past Cas and Dean's room. Gabe tried to hide his smile because they both knew that at times, they were just as bad.

\-------------------------

Gabe waited patiently for coffee while Sam stood impatiently waiting for it to be ready. Sam was normally a calm and patient person, but he had his quirks and Gabe was slowly learning them. He was learning all of their quirks. He'd learned that in a lot of ways, he and Dean were more alike than anyone realized, but it had taken Sam awhile to get used to seeing the two of them spend time together as friends, maybe more like brothers. He'd learned that even though Cas may be quiet at times and on the outside it looked like he babied Dean, in many ways he was the stronger one in the relationship. Dean would do anything for Cas, and Cas knew how to put him in his place. They'd finally stopped with the 'old married couple jokes', unless Cas and Dean started arguing. Then it was open season. Gabe saw the microcosm from the inside and couldn't imagine being anywhere else.

"What are the plans for the day?" he asked Sam, still chuckling at his impatience.

Sam mentioned the car and he knew that they'd all end up going somewhere. Dean had been going nuts without his baby to drive. Gabe still couldn't wrap his head around the idea of going out with Cas and Dean with Sam by his side. This was not the life that he expected when he decided not to go back upstairs, but he wouldn't change anything about it. He and Sam had talked, and they had talked a lot about the things that Dean had said that night. Dean was right, Sam and Jess didn't exist in this life, but Sam and Gabe did and he was more than happy to see where the ride took him. He didn't want to get ahead of himself, but maybe someday he'd have to ask Dean about those rings. 

He had just picked up his mug of coffee when Sam said something about making breakfast. The only downside of Sam getting morning head was the extra motivation it gave him. No sleepy relaxation for him, he was already pumped. Gabe couldn't stop himself from saying something about stepping on Dean's toes, but he was only partly kidding. As strong as his personality was, he knew that everyone let Dean be the alpha and he was fine with that. 

Sam broke his reverie with, "No, we are really going to do this. C'mon archangel, get a move on."

"Seriously," he said, pushing away from the table. "Who has pet names like 'big guy' and 'archangel'?"

"Uh, probably a guy who is 6'4" and an archangel," Sam mumbled from the cabinet where he was sorting through pans. "Do you really care?" he stood and asked Gabe.

"No, I just hear Dean call my brother all of these sweet names."

"Oh, do not tell me that you all of a sudden want to start using sweet names. I feel like I spend half of my time calling you an asshole."

"Aw, see," Gabe smiled, "that's more like it."

Sam laughed and directed Gabe to put the food on the counter when they heard the shower turn off. He moved away slowly and let Sam do his thing while he sat back down at the table. "You aren't off the hook, asshole. Grab the bread or start some more coffee going."

Gabe chuckled and stopped for a kiss before he started the coffee and grabbed the bread.

\-------------------------

DEAN:

Dean could feel the sweat along his hairline start to drip down his face when he slid his hand between his body and Cas's, wrapping his fingers around Cas's cock while he thrust. He loved watching Cas's face, they way it changed with each stroke, each thrust, each movement. "C'mon baby..." he grunted. He was throbbing, so close to the release. He started stroking faster, when Cas pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and arched his body. His hips rocked against Dean's when he cried out and Dean knew that with these last few thrusts, Cas wanted to be fucked hard. He came with a loud moan and let his body sink, still gently rocking while he held himself up on his elbows and pressed his forehead to Cas's. "I love you, baby," he whispered. It made him shiver when he felt the cold metal of Cas's ring as he slid his hands slowly down his back. They hadn't taken them off since the night he'd pulled them out of his pocket. He would find himself playing with Cas's hands, twisting his ring around his finger, reaching across to hold Cas's left hand with his so that they touched when they would lay together. The rings had been an impulse. He'd actually bought them while they were fighting and he'd left the bunker to go for a drive. He didn't know why he kept them hidden for months, he just knew that he finally brought them out at the right time. He bent his head and pressed his lips softly to Cas's, waiting for Cas to deepen the kiss and pull him close. He finally buried his face in Cas's neck, still panting. "I love you too," he heard softly in his ear and he smiled. The words came easy now, and they came often. He finally went limp and rolled off, their bodies sticky and covered in sweat. "They better have left us some hot water," he groaned as they climbed out of bed and got ready for their shower.

\-------------------------

There was plenty of hot water and plenty of time to run their soapy hands lazily over each other's bodies. They stood under the warm stream of water, touching and kissing. Dean finally shut it of and dried them both before they got dressed. Just like most mornings, they could smell the coffee and hear the murmur of voices coming from the kitchen. Dean stopped in the doorway, Cas bumping into him from behind.

"What in the hell are you doing?"

"Cooking," Sam smiled.

"Okay, we trusted you with taco's that one time, but breakfast? That's kind of a big deal Sammy. You know, first meal of the day."

"I told you," Gabe said, leaning against the counter. "I tried to talk him out of it."

"Oh," Sam turned. "You're going to throw me to the wolves here? Asshole..."

"And we fight like an old married couple," Cas laughed, pouring coffee for Dean and himself.

"Sam, I got my car back and she's beautiful, I got burgers and beer for dinner, I got a sexy ex-angel for dessert, and that was all before I fell asleep. Then this morning I got..."

"Yeah, we know," Sam finally smiled wryly. "If we had neighbors they'd probably know too."

"A loud man is a satisfied man," Dean smiled, leaning over to kiss Cas."So, we've got the car back and I don't know about you but I am sick of being in this place. Let's do something today, just not a black and white movie marathon." That garnered sincere glares from Sam, Cas, and Gabe. "What? Too soon?"

"It will probably always be too soon."

"C'mon Sam, look at the big picture. I'm alive, Cas is alive, and the car is fixed. We now have not only an ex-angel living here, but we acquired an archangel who can snap up beer and burgers in a state of emergency. You have a research partner who seems to put you in a much better mood these days, and I'm fucking married. No regrets, none." 

"Can't argue with that logic, big guy."

"Okay, so we'll go for a drive or a regular movie, maybe get a meal that doesn't require Gabe snapping his fingers."

"Whatever you guys want, just as long as I can get back behind the wheel of that beautiful work of art sitting out there. Sam, be careful there, you're going to burn the eggs..."

\-------------------------

CAS:

He loved that Dean's emerald green eyes were usually the first things that he saw when he woke up. Dean had been tender and passionate last night, bringing the car home had brought back some of his guilt. Cas touched him, kissed him, and whispered reassuring words while they made love in a gentle haze of calloused hands on supple skin, full lips sliding across the fine sheen of sweat, bodies arching together with soft moans and subtle gasps. They spent hours exploring bodies that they'd memorized long ago and finished slowly, holding one another. Cas saw the hunger in Dean's eyes this morning, he barely heard the usual, "good morning, baby," before he felt the deep kiss holding him against the bed. He reached into the nightstand and pushed the pillows under his hips, waiting to feel Dean's mouth biting and sucking on his neck and shoulders, pulling blood to the surface and leaving marks. Dean's desperation brought out a need in Cas and he spread his legs wide while Dean knelt between them, already dripping lube on his fingers. They were locked in a heated kiss, Cas rocking against Dean's hand and digging his fingers into the muscles on his back and shoulders when he gasped, the pain of Dean stretching him was white hot, until he expertly slid his finger against the spot that made his entire body tense. "I need you..." Cas begged, groaning loudly when Dean buried his cock in one quick motion. They locked eyes before Cas spread his legs wider and Dean held him in a rough kiss, starting to thrust. Cas moaned, rocking his hips, feeling their bodies come together hard. Dean was stroking his cock, but he was barely aware until he heard him whisper, "c'mon baby," and squeezed him tighter, stroked faster. He was almost there when he pulled his lip between his teeth and finally came all over Dean's hand, crying out, hearing Dean's name echo off of the walls of the small room. He rocked his hips harder, they both just wanted to fuck. He felt the throbbing before Dean thrust one last time and lowered his body with a loud groan. He could feel his ring twist around his finger when he slid his hands down Dean's back. Every turn felt like Dean telling him that he loved him. He waited for the kiss before he pulled Dean against him, feeling their hearts pounding through their chests.

He was still breathing heavily when Dean rolled off of him and reached for his hand. Dean was always reaching for his hands, playing with the ring. That night, those rings, it had broken something inside of Dean, yet fixed something else. Cas didn't need it, but he wouldn't give it up for anything now. It would stay on his finger until the day he died. They finally got out of bed and headed to the shower.

\-------------------------

Cas loved sleeping, he loved morning sex, and he loved the after sex shower. It didn't matter if what had happened in their bedroom had been gentle or rough, the shower was always the same. Slow and lazy. Dean's soapy hands calmed him, and kissing under the warm water was something that he could never get tired of. He let Dean dry him off before they got dressed and let the plume of steam out when they opened the bathroom door. He could smell the coffee and hear the distinct voices when they dropped their robes on the bed and walked down the hall to the kitchen, Dean reaching to intertwine their fingers. He was relaxed and happy, not paying attention when Dean stopped in the doorway before he could stop from bumping into him. He looked over Dean's shoulder and laughed. Sam was at the stove and Gabe was leaning against the counter. They were in Dean's territory. He finally got Dean pushed into the kitchen and into a chair before he poured their coffee. As annoyed as he looked, Dean was actually in a good mood. He had his car back, last night had been amazing, this morning had been equally amazing for entirely different reasons. Right now, everything in the bunker felt right, balanced.

Sam and Gabe were bickering, but Sam and Gabe were usually bickering. They didn't have the big passionate arguments like he and Dean used to have, they had a banter and acted more like a married couple than the actual married couple. Cas finally set Dean's mug in front of him and sat down. This was going to be one of those mornings when the personalities came out and he could just sit back and watch. Dean was being the 12 year old boy after a six pack of Mtn. Dew, Sam was pretending to be offended by their lack of belief in his cooking skills, and Gabe was just leaning back biting his tongue. They made eye contact and smiled. They didn't know what it was about the Winchesters, but for some reason the ex-angel and the archangel couldn't picture life without them.

Dean leaned over to kiss him, but Cas couldn't help but glare when he tried to joke about the night of the accident. He knew that Dean still felt guilty, even though they talked about the reality, that things wouldn't be as good as they were if it had never happened. In their world, it always took something ugly to bring about something good. If Dean hadn't gone to hell, they never would have found each other. If his family hadn't turned on him, he never would have stayed. If they'd never been in the accident, then Sam never would have realized how much Gabe cared. Even the night that Gabe found Sam looking at old pictures, that needed to happen in order for Sam to accept that it was okay to move on. Dean needed to say the things that he said that night in order for him to finally be able to tell Cas that he loved him.

Cas quietly listened to the conversation happening around him, the list of things that they could go do now that they had the car back. He laughed when Dean tensed and started to admonish Sam for almost burning their breakfast. He leaned over and kissed him softly, "Dean, calm down. He probably wasn't paying attention when they were watching the Food Network."

"Nice shot," he smiled at Sam when the balled up napkin landed in his coffee cup.


End file.
